|First Appearance||Page 46, The Phantasmal Malevolence|
R2-D2 is a character played by Pete. An astromech droid, R2 believes that droids are superior to all fleshlike creatures, including humans. R2 has two contradictory desires: to gain control of the most powerful weapons in the Galaxy, and to triumph against impossible odds.
The Phantasmal Malevolence Edit
R2 was onboard the royal barge when it was commandeered by Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Jar Jar Binks, Queen Amidala and the queen's entourage (including Panaka, Ric Olie, and the Queen's handmaidens). The people on the barge were trying to fly past the Trade Federation's blockade of the planet Naboo to get to the planet Coruscant.
As the royal barge tried to fly through the Federation blockade, the Feds opened fire on the ship, severely damaging it's shield generator. One more hit would've been enough to destroy the ship. R2-D2 volunteered to go out on the hull to fix the damage. There were a few other astromech droids on the hull working on it, but they were blasted away by the Feds firing on them. R2 was able to fix the generator, restoring the shields, and the ship was able to fly through the blockade to safety.
Ric Olie reproted the ship was 23% damaged, but would be able to make it to Coruscant. Obi-Wan thought they should stop at the nearest planet for repairs. Qui-Gon agreed, and also wanted to add weapons to the ship, in case the Feds pursued. They headed to the nearest planet, Tatooine, a desert wasteland ruled by gangsters.
The Queen sent for Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and R2 to thank them for saving the ship. Obi-Wan tried to talk her into landing on Tatooine. The Queen allowed them one day on Tatooine to get the repairs and weapons they wanted. R2 demanded, in exchange for saving the ship, that the Queen have her most beautiful handmaiden polish him. The Queen acceeded to R2's request by sending him her handmaiden, Padme.
When the ship landed outside a major city on Tatooine, Obi-Wan decided to stay on the ship feeling the need to proctect the Queen from any encounter they might have with sand creatures.
As Qui-Gon, Jar Jar, and R2 left the ship, Panaka told them the Queen had ordered them to take Padme with them to learn more about the planet. When they entered the city, Qui-Gon started randomly asking people about where to find weapons and the Lost Orb, while Jar Jar asked Padme if she'd ever met Palpatine. She admited she had. Jar Jar asked her if Palpatine has ever mentioned the Orb to her. Padme replied, yes, that Palpatine thought the Feds had stolen it. Qui-Gon finally found a repair shop.
They entered the shop and met the owner,Watto, a small blue creature with wings and a snout for a nose. As Qui-Gon tried to specify what they wanted from Watto, the shopkeeper's assistant walked in, a boy named Anakin. Qui-Gon tried to trade the blasters he collected from the Attack Droids for the weapons and repairs they wanted, but Watto replied the blasters weren't worth as much as the new weapons he'd be making for the ship. Qui-Gon tried to use Suggestion on Watto to accept one blaster for the repairs and weapons, but it didn't work on Watto's species. Watto asked if Qui-Gon was a Jedi, since there was a rich bounty to be had on Tatooine for capturing Jedi. R2 advised Qui-Gon that he should just attack Watto.
Qui-Gon decided not to attack Watto, and that he and the others should just leave. Qui-Gon, Jar Jar, R2, and Padme were walking through a marketplace. Jar Jar was feeling hungry, and snagged a frog he saw hung up at a food stall. When the Alien Food Stall Owner objected, Jar Jar spat out the frog in his mouth, which landed into Sebulba's stew. Sebulba was so enraged by this that he grabbed Jar Jar by the throat. At that moment, Anakin showed up and calmed down Sebulba, by speaking to him in an alien language.
Suddenly, a huge sandstorm arose near the Queen's ship and headed towards the city. Anakin took Qui-Gon, Jar Jar, R2, and Padme to his home, sheltering them from the storm.
Anakin introduced them all to his mother, Shmi, who like Anakin was also a slave of Watto's.
Anakin showed Padme and R2 something he created, a translator droid, C-3PO. R2 took this opportunity to have 3PO translate a long, angry rant on how he'd been wasted stuck on a planet full of sand. Padme decided it might be best if they didn't have a translator droid with them, and Anakin agreed.
Shmi had them all seated at the dinner table for supper. She asked about the Jedi Knights, and learned they used the power of the Force, which was generated by midi-chlorians. Qui-Gon explained that midi-chlorians were mircoscopic organisms that existed in all living cells.
Qui-Gon became fixated on getting money to buy enough blasters to trade for the weapons. Jar Jar pointed out that all they really needed was the money to pay for the weapons. Qui-Gon speculated on whether he could turn himself in to collect the bounty on Jedi, but Jar Jar pointed out that was impossible. When Shmi offhandedly mentioned gambling, Qui-Gon decided they needed to find something to gamble on. Anakin pointed out that there was pod-racing, and that their master Watto was having Anakin fix a pod he was going to race in. Shmi told them that the pods they raced in were incredibly dangerous with no safety gear. Jar Jar pointed out how Watto wouldn't need them because he could always fly away from any crash. This got Qui-gon thinking.
Qui-Gon approached Watto and offered him a blaster to throw the pod-race. Watto refused. They haggled briefly over the price until Qui-Gon offered the ship to Watto, and Watto agreed.
Qui-Gon contacted Obi-Wan and explained his plan. Since Watto was now going to throw the race, betting on his opponent would be the sure thing. So they would bet a lot of money and win enough to buy the weapons. Obi-Wan pointed out that there would be more than two racers, so the only sure thing would be knowing that one wouldn't win, they'd need to bet on all the other racers to collect enough money to buy the weapons that were supposed to equip the ship Qui-Gon had just given away, and that they didn't even have any money to bet with anyway. Shmi pointed out that what they needed to do was bet on the winner. Qui-Gon suggested that Ric Olie pilot Watto's pod, but Shmi pointed out that the pod was built for Watto's small size. R2-D2 eagerly pointed out that he was small enough to fit inside and race it.
While Anakin was going over the pod, Jar Jar noticed that there was a spanner stuck in the pod's engine. With Padme's help, he was able to remove the spanner before it could do any damage.
Suddenly, Obi-Wan remembered that Anakin had mentioned the pod has handlebars and pointed out that that meant that R2 wouldn't be able to steer it. Qui-Gon noticed that Anakin was small enough to pilot the pod, and decided he should pilot it. To make sure Anakin woul win, Qui-Gon transfused his blood into Anakin, giving Anakin Qui-Gon's midi-chlorians so he'd have the Force Sensitivity he'd need to win the race.
The next morning, Qui-Gon approached Watto about not even entering in the race. He offered Watto a bet on a die roll. If Qui-Gon won, Watto wouldn't race. If Watto won the roll, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan would become his slaves. Watto rolled the die and won. But Qui-Gon used Fate Manipulation to reroll the die so that Qui-gon won. Watto agreed not to enter the race. Qui-Gon made a further bet with Watto: if Anakin won the race, Watto would free Shmi. If Anakin lost, Queen Amidala would become Watto's slave. Watto accepted.
Qui-Gon asked R2 how much money they'd need to bet on Anakin to win enough to pay for the weapons. R2 told him how much, using C-3PO as a translator. Qui-Gon left the others for a little while, then came back claiming he'd just pulled off his best plan yet.
As Anakin and the other racers prepated to get into their pods, one of them, Sebulba did something sneaky with Anakin's pod before he got into it.
As the race was about to begin, Qui-Gon began to explain his plan to the others. He sold all his blasters to some people to raise the money to bet on Anakin, and to stack the odds in Anakin's favor, have those people use the blasters to fire on the other racers. To ensure their cooperation, he offered to lead them to a Jedi after the race so that they could collect the bounty on him (since Qui-Gon was planning on leaving after the race, he didn't think this would be a problem).
After the race started, and Anakin took off (after a near-fatal false start), Shmi asked Qui-Gon what kind of people he made the deal with. He answered vaguely that they were some "sand...people". Jar Jar asked how these Sand People were going to know which racers to fire at. Qui-Gon explained that he showed them a picture of Watto and told them to fire at every racer who didn't look like Watto. At that moment, the Sand People began to fire at Anakin's pod (since, of course, Anakin didn't look like Watto).
R2 asked Qui-Gon if there were any other details of his plan he'd left out. Qui-Gon revealed that earlier he was the one who put the spanner in the pod's engine that Jar Jar removed, and that just before the race, he uesd Suggestion on Sebulba causing him to sabotage Anakin's pod. At that moment, a Sand Person took a pot shot at Anakin's pod. R2 sarcastically congratulated Qui-Gon on his "intricate" plan. Qui-Gon sincerely thanked R2 for the compliment.
By the time Anakin reached the third lap in the race, he was in fourth place. He recklessly drove his pod up a safety ramp sending it flying high into the air and landing just in front of the till-then-first-place racer, Sebulba.
Then the sabotage Sebulba had inflicted on Anakin's engines kicked in, and his engines caught fire. Anakin hit the overdrive on the theory the sudden acceleration would put out the fire. It did, causing him to catch up again with Sebulba's pod, but now his pod had no power. Anakin rammed his pod against Sebulba's, entangling his right engine with Sebulba's left. When the two pods got in sight of the finish line, Anakin used Force Manipulation to snap Sebulba's right engine cable and detach his pod. Sebulba's pod crashed and exploded while Anakin's pod coasted safely to the finish line, the winner!
As everyone else went back to the ship to leave, Qui-Gon stopped by to supply the ship with the repairs and weapons they wanted, then left the ship to go get Shmi. He ended up coming back with Anakin instead.
As Qui-Gon and Anakin were reaching the ship, they were approached by a Black Robed Figure on a hoverbike. Qui-Gon attacked him with his laser sword...and the figure leaped from his bike and parried Qui-Gon's blow with his own laser sword! Qui-Gon and the Figure dueled back and forth, too evenly matched for either of them to land a blow. By this time, everyone was on board the ship except Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan suggested the ship start to lift off so it could aid Qui-Gon by firing on the Figure from above. The ship immedeately lifted off as R2 frantically explained he hadn't installed the weapons yet because he didn't think they'd need them until after they had left the planet. Jar Jar asked Qui-Gon what Force Abilities he had. Qui-Gon started listing them, and when he mentioned "Force Jump", Jar Jar told him to Force Jump. Qui-Gon did so, safely reaching the ship's landing ramp as it was taking off, and gratefully shouted, "Jar Jar, you're a genius!"
The ship reached Coruscant without incident (Qui-Gon thought it was because the Feds would now be too scared to attack them). As the ship reached port, everyone was greeted by Senator Palpatine and Chancellor Valorum. Valorum came across as a raving lunatic, only speaking in bizarre non sequitors. As the Queen went to address the Senate to request aid for Naboo, Valorum refered in passing to the Jedi Council, and wondered what Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had done on the negotiations with the Trade Federation Valorum sent them to Naboo for. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan decided to go talk to the Council.
Everyone returned to their ship and head back to Naboo. On the way, the Queen asked Qui-Gon what his plan was. Qui-Gon started off with a plan that rehashed how this story all started. When Obi-Wan pointed this out, Qui-Gon put Jar Jar in charge. Jar Jar proposed the Naboo humans should unite with the Gungans to form a big army to liberate Naboo from the Feds.
As the ship reached Naboo, R2 wanted to attack the Feds' orbital hq, but Jar Jar vetoed that idea since the hq had the Orb protecting them. He ordered the ship to land near Otoh Gunga.
Everyone gathered around the shore leading to the underwater city of Otoh Gunga, waiting for Jar Jar to return from there and give a report. He arrived and reported that the Gungans had all left the city to go to the secret hiding place in the swamp, to make exlopding soap bubbles for the fight filled with electric mosquitoes, and that these bubbles would be piled on the backs of the dinosaur ponies.
Jar Jar led them to the hiding place, where they met the Gungans headed by Boss Nass and Captain Tarpals. The Queen appealed to the Gungans for aid, but was refused by Nass. She asked Jar Jar to negotiate. Jar Jar told Nass that they should help the Naboo humans defeat the Trade Federation droids, and then they could retrieve the Lost Orb of Phanastacoria. Nass agreed, but Jar Jar insisted he should demand payment for their aid: 10 humans per day so the Gungans would never have to worry about food again. At this point, Padme came forward to reveal that she, Padme Amidala was the real Queen of Naboo. She offered to sacrifice herself to the Gungans to save her people. Fortunately, Anakin came up with a better solution. He pointed out to Nass that without their help, the Gungans couldn't get to the Trade Federation orbital headquarters where the Orb was, and it'd be shame if someone should destroy the hq and the Orb along with it. Nass backed down, and agreed to help the humans.
Everyone made their strategy. Jar Jar would lead the Gungans to fight the droid army by attacking them with the soap bubbles. Qui-Gon suggested they fill up the bubbles with water from the geysers at high tide. Meanwhile, everyone else would storm the palace through the hangar and take the Fed leaders captive.
Jar Jar took charge of the Gungan army and led them into battle with a rousing speech.
Everyone else stormed through the hangar where the Naboo space fleet was docked. Ric Olie and the other Pilots, who'd been rescued from the hangar and been on the royal barge all along on the trips to Tatooine, Coruscant, and back to Naboo came forward and took off in their space fleet to battle the Fed ships orbiting the planet.
At the hangar, Qui-Gon ordered Anakin to take a fighter ship, go to the orbital hq, and assassinate the Feds' leaders. Obi-Wan asked Qui-Gon sarcastically why he didn't get Anakin to single-handedly destroy the base, and deactivate the Lost Orb and bring it back while he was at it? Qui-Gon thought that was a good idea and told Anakin to do it. Anakin reluctantly climbed onboard the fighter. R2 eagerly joined him as his co-pilot.
Suddenly, the Black-Robed Figure Qui-Gon had fought earlier on Tatooine entered the hangar. Qui-Gon rushed forward to attack with his laser sword. He was confident because with Obi-Wan by his side, it'd be two against one. Then the Figure revealed his laser sword was double-ended. Qui-Gon ordered Padme to lead her men to the throne room while he and Obi-Wan fought the Figure. Padme tried to do so, but she and her men were pinned down by the remaining droids in the hangar. R2 and Anakin were still in the hangar, in the fighter they were abaord on. R2 took charge of the fighter, using its laser to obliterate the droids. Padme and her men rushed out of the hangar while R2 and Anakin took off in their fighter to take part in the space battle orbiting the planet.
In space, R2 and Anakin took part in the battle, with R2 firing at the enemy fighter ships.
In space, Anakin told R2 to fly the fighter into the orbital hq's open hangar. It had a force field, but Anakin realized that this must've been a force field that kept in air but let ships come through. R2 and Anakin flew into the hangar. Anakin wanted to go searching for the Orb, but R2 chose to destroy combat droids individually.
While continuing to fight in the orbital hq, R2 realized he could hack into the Feds' systems and deactivate the entire droid army. He did so.
In the orbital hq, Anakin goaded R2 into setting off the destruction of the orbital hq by firing at its reactor.
On the rapidly destroyng orbital hq, R2 was able to locate the Lost Orb. He flew over and grabbed it.
Afterwards, everyone was back together at the palace (except for Qui-Gon, who'd been killed by the Figure, who was named Darth Maul) when they were greeted by Palpatine, who announced that he'd been elected Chancellor. He also casually mentioned that as a retired Jedi, he had the courtesy title of Darth Sidious. He warned, however, that Valorum had disappeared like a phantom, and may become a menace. Now that they had the Orb, Obi-Wan insisted on giving it back to the Gungans, and Palpatine reluctantly agreed.
Everyone was present for Qui-Gon's funeral, where his body was being cremated. Obi-Wan promised Anakin he would train him in the ways of the Jedi.
A big victory celebration was performed at the palace, where Padme formally gave back the Lost Orb to Boss Nass.
Silence of the Clones Edit
Ten years later, Padme, Jar Jar Binks, and R2-D2 were on a ship landing at Coruscant. Padme's term as Queen had expired, and she was now a Senator. A bill was about to be voted on to create a Grand Army of the Republic. Padme was eagerly in favor of it, despite the fact that it was an unpopular bill and could lead the non-violent Separatists into going to war over it. This didn't deter Padme, who was the one who introduced the bill.
After the ship landed, a Guard warned Padme that there were rumors of an attempt on her life. Padme ordered R2 to search for traps. R2 replied in the affirmative. Padme's current loyal decoy, Corde confidently walked down the boarding ramp, when suddenly it exploded, right under her. R2 claimed that he thought Padme told him to look for Schnappes. Corde was now lying on the dock, dying. Padme rudely interrogated her, demanding that she admit that "Bubble" planted that bomb. Corde just stammered confusedly and died.
Obi-Wan and Anakin headed up to Padme's room, where they met Padme, Jar Jar, and R2. Jar Jar revealed that he was now a Senator too. Since ten years had passed after the end of the Trade Federation invasion of Naboo, Anakin was now an adult. Padme was supposed to brief the others on their assignment, but didn't have any details beyond the fact that the Peace Moon plans had been stolen. Ben wanted to know if the plans had backups, but Padme never asked.
When night fell, Padme went to her bedroom, to get some sleep.
After an attempt on Padme's life had failed that night, with her would be assassin killed by a poison dart, the next morning, Obi-Wan met up with Padme and Anakin to tell them he'd still be going to investigate the orgins of that poisoned dart while Padme was determined to go back to Naboo to arrest Bibble. Obi-Wan suggested Anakin should go with Padme to look after her while Obi-Wan continued to investigate the dart. They all agreed that Padme, Anakin, and R2 would go to Naboo on a space bus, while Obi-Wan stayed on Coruscant to investigate the dart.
On the space bus, Anakin revealed to Padme that he hadn't been back to Tatooine in the past ten years, that he'd been in contact with his mother, Shmi, but that Shmi had warned him that he was still wanted for the killing of Greedo, so he should stay away.
Padme, R2, and Anakin arrived on Naboo, where they were greeted by the current queen, Queen Jamillia and Sio Bibble. Padme ordered Bibble's arrest, but the Queen overrode her, pointing out that they needed to find the stolen plans for the Peace Moon. Anakin suggested they take a tour of Naboo, to see if they could figure out who would benefit from the current status quo.
Anakin suggested Padme take him to her home to meet her family. Padme did so and introduced Anakin to them; her sister Sola, her father Ruwee, and her mother Jobal. All any of them could talk about was how Bibble stole the plans and should be arrested to get it over with.
On Naboo, Anakin pointed out a lake where a city used to be, claiming the loss of the moon had caused this flooding. Padme came up with an intelligent, geological explanation for how this was possible. She commented on how she didn't know Anakin was interested in geology. Anakin replied that he was interested in many things, and then kissed Padme.
On Naboo, Anakin pointed out the unnatural waterfalls that had arisen from the loss of the moon. It dawned on Padme that maybe they should find the stolen Peace Moon plans. Anakin jumped up on top of a large grazing creature and fell off. In a panic, Padme blurted out, "Please don't die!" Anakin quickly recovered. They bantered with each other, and Anakin said he could be falling in love with her.
On Naboo, Anakin had had a disturbing nightmare about his mother, Shmi. He told Padme Amidala about it and asked if they should leave their tour of Naboo to find his mother. Padme decided they should go find his mother on Tatooine.
Anakin, Padme, and R2 arrived on Tatooine at Anakin's home town of Mos Espa. They met Watto and Anakin dscreetly tried to enquire about the bounty on him for killing Greedo that his mother told him was still in effect. Watto revealed that nobody on Tatooine really cared about justice, so no bounty lasted longer than a few weeks. Anakin hadn't been wanted for that killing in nearly ten years. Anakin asked Watto where Shmi was. Watto told him he should ask Cliegg Lars about her and, after some threatening of limb severing from Anakin, he told him that Cliegg was at a moisture farm South of there.
Anakin, Padme, and R2 reached the Lars moisture farm. Since all the sand there was bad for R2, he was told to wait for them at the ship.
On Geonosis, Obi-Wan reached his ship and tried to contact Padme and Anakin about a Trade/Federation plot to overthrow the Republic and that Separatist leader Count Dooku had stolen the Peace Moon plans they were looking for. He contacted their ship on Tatooine, where only R2 was onboard. He asked R2 to relay his message to the Jedi Council.
A funeral was being held for Shmi, whom Anakin had found alive, but who then died. R2 left the ship to tell the others about Obi-Wan's message. R2 used C-3PO to translate that he had a message from Obi-Wan. Anakin told Padme to patch the message through to the Jedi Council so that they'd all hear it simultaneously. Obi-Wan related what he had experienced, suggesting that Padme and Anakin meet him on Geonosis where they could arrest Dooku and retrieve the stolen Peace Moon plans. The message was interrupted because Obi-Wan had just been captured.
Yoda suggested that Windu could go to Geonosis with the others, but he wanted to go to Kamino and get the clone army being created there to help. Yoda pointed out they would need to get the approval of the Senate to do that. Windu contacted Padme and Anakin and gave them the order to go to Geonosis and rescue Obi-Wan while he made the Senate give permision to use the clone army.
Anakin, Padme, R2, and C-3PO arrived at Geonosis.
As they all left the ship, they found themselves on a path leading to a door, with searing steam on both sides of the path, giving them no choice but to go through the door.
Inside, they found a narrow corridor littered with organic remains. Padme suggested that maybe they should turn back to the ship, when the door slammed shut behind them. She and Anakin were about halfway through the corridor when a bunch of winged creatures attacked them from behind. Anakin fought them off with his laser sword when more winged creatures attacked from the front. C-3PO and R2-D2 were also there, but the creatures were after food, and 3PO and R2 were made of metal, so the creatures ignored them.
Padme and Anakin made it through the corridor and found themselves on a small, short walkway overlooking a large droid factory. Anakin suggested they should turn back, when the door slammed shut behind them while the walkway retracted out from under them. Anakin grabbed onto the doorway and wondered aloud what was the point of having such a walkway. While he'd been saying that, the walkway had gone completely out from under Padme and she fell onto a conveyor belt directly below that led directly into the path of several crushers, guillotines, and other deadly factory machines that made for a dangerous obstacle course. While Padme started making her way through the obstacles on the conveyor belt, Anakin was attacked from above by some more winged creatures. As he fought them off, he fell off the doorway and landed on the same conveyor belt Padme was on.
R2-D2 finally got the door to the factory open, so he and 3PO were now present in the same factory room as Padme and Anakin. 3PO wanted to go back to the ship and fly it in to rescue them, but R2 shoved her from behind, causing her to fall into the factory. A flying assembly droid caught her and dropped her onto a different conveyor belt. R2 used his rocket thrusters to fly across the room.
Three welding arms swung towards Anakin, but he destroyed them with his laser sword. Further along on the conveyor belt, a flying creature landed next to Padme and attacked. Padme chose to grapple with him. The creatures pushed Padme into a giant empty crucible that was conveyed to the furnace room.
3PO tried to go rescue Padme, but walked into the path of a mechanical arm that took off C-3PO's head. A combat droid head was welded onto C-3PO's boby, while C-3PO's head was welded onto a combat droid's body.
Multiple construction arms swung Anakin's way while four winged creatures fired at him. Anakin used Force Push against his opponents, both mechanical and organic, and tried to jump to a safer spot, but was knocked down onto another conveyor belt where machinery welded a steel plate over his right arm, immobilising him on the conveyor belt...which was leading to some guillotine blades.
In the furnace room, as Padme headed closer to her doom, a steel pourer was about to pour molten steel into the crucible Padme was in.
R2 had gained access to the factory, but he had time to rescue only one person, Padme or Anakin. Anakin told him to rescue Padme while Padme insisted he rescue Anakin. Anakin pointed out he still had Force abilities to get him out of his predicament, and was able to talk R2 into rescuing Padme. R2 shut down the steel pourer, and had the crucible deposit Padme safely onto the floor.
Anakin was heading towards five instant death guillotine blades, and had to dodge them. He barely managed to dodge them all. The last blade missed Anakin, but cut his laser sword in two. R2 hacked into the factory controls again, and freed Anakin's arm. Padme was surrounded by armed winged creatures while Anakin was surrounded by armed combat droids led by Jango Fett.
Padme Amidala, Obi-Wan, Anakin had been sentenced to die in an arena, but had been rescued by Jedi. They and the Jedi were fighting off Nute Gunray's droids. Both the combat droid with C-3PO's head and the combat droid head on C-3PO's body had fallen during the battle, with the droid's head on C-3PO's body already destroyed, leaving the body completely headless. R2-D2 arrived and detached C-3PO's head from the combat droid's body and dragged it along. Then R2 reattached C-3PO's head onto her body.
Obi-Wan got the idea for him, his fellow Jedi, Padme, and the droids to form a tight circle so they could deflect the droids' blasts back at them with their laser swords. But Gunray outfoxed him, by ordering his droids to cease fire and simply wait for the humanoids to tire themselves out. This standoff lasted for hours.
At one point, Mace Windu, declared he couldn't fight anymore and that he'd roam the galaxy.
Finally Yoda had arrived on his ship, and he brought all the Clone Troopers from Kamino with him. The Troopers were all loyal to Jango Fett and with his death, they lost their connection to the Force. Yoda used Force Suggestion to get them all to obey him.
Yoda's ship was an open troop carrier where the clones fired on the droids and were able to swarm out into the arena. Yoda urged the Jedi and the other players to come onboard. Everybody except R2 made it onto the carrier, and it took off, leaving R2 behind. He decided to head back to the ship he, Padme, and Anakin came in on by making his way back through the droid factory.
Later, R2 and C-3PO attended the wedding of Anakin and Padme. C-3PO designed their wedding outfits.
Revelation of the Sith Edit
Separatist forces, apparently led by General Grievous, raided the planet Coruscant and captured Chancellor Palpatine. The Seperatist forces were orbiting the planet, getting ready to leave with their captive, when Obi-Wan and Anakin led a small rescue force to attack them. Obi-Wan and Anakin were each piloting their own fighter ship, R2-D2 was co-piloting Anakin's ship as his astromech droid (which every Republic fighter ship had). They were accompanied by two other fighter ships, and these ships were both piloted by Clone Troopers.
Anakin used the Force to detect Palpatine and was able to locate which dreadnought ship he was on. The 4 Republic fighter ships headed towards that ship, fighting thousands of Separatist ships. R2 ordered the clones to flank the fighters piloted by Obi-Wan and Anakin, but since there were only 2 clones, they both quickly got dispatched by the enemy.
An enemy ship launched 4 smart Missiles at the players. These missiles were so smart they could not only continue to pursue their intended targets after they initially dodged them, but they could even talk. Obi-Wan tried to use Force Suggestion on the missiles, but the Force had no effect on them. He then tried to persuade them to go after an enemy dreadnought, but the missiles refused. Anakin tried to talk them out of hitting him and Obi-Wan by pointing out that it would end the missiles' own existence, but the missiles believed in the motto: "Live fast and die young." The missiles liked Obi-Wan and Anakin enough that one of them offered them the chance to decide which part of their ship the missile would hit. Anakin asked the missile to target his left engine, and it agreed. He then asked another missile to target his right engine, and it agreed. He then went into a tight spin. The missiles targeting his engines were each so focused on the engine they agreed to target, that they spiraled into each other, destroying each other while leaving Anakin and R2's ship unharmed. The two remaining smart missiles claimed they wouldn't make that mistake as they targeted Obi-Wan's ship. Obi-Wan found some space flotsam from the battle and flew through it. The missiles hit the flosam and exploded.
Obi-Wan's ship was unscathed, but was now beset by several Buzz Droids who started washing his ship against his wishes. One of the droids demanded money, and when he refused to give it any, the droids destroyed his astromech droid. Anakin fired at all the buzz droids on one of Obi-Wan's wings. He destroyed the droids, but also the wing. He flew his ship against Obi-Wan's other wing to take out the droids on that wing. He then rammed his ship into Obi-Wan's canopy to crush the remaining droids. One droid survived and hopped onto Anakin's ship. R2 zapped it with his shock probe.
They flew their ships into the hangar of the dreadnought holding Palpatine, and left their ships. They were attacked by combat droids, but Obi-Wan and Anakin made short work of them with their laser swords. The dreadnought trembled from incoming fire. Obi-Wan wondered how this was possible since they were all inside. Obi-Wan realized that the Separatist ships had been fighting each other all along.
Anakin tried to locate Palpatine with the Force, but failed. R2 was able to display a reading of the dreadnought that showed only one other area with people in it. Obi-Wan and Anakin decided to go to that area while leaving R2 behind to look after the ships. Obi-Wan and Anakin reached a nearby lift when they were attacked by droidekas. One Droideka identified them as Jedi and ordered the others to fire hull piercing rounds and to turn on their laser sword dampers. The lift doors opened behind Obi-Wan and Anakin and they quickly backed into the lift, with the doors shutting out the droidekas.
Obi-Wan and Anakin discovered the lift they were on was full of Droids. After a short, awkward conversation where the droids revealed that other lifts had been damaged in the battle, Anakin destroyed them all with his laser sword.
At the hangar, two combat droids of a type R2 had never seen before, had entered. R2 hid. Meanwhile, the lift Obi-Wan and Anakin were on stopped, because the lift could only be operated by droids. Anakin cut a hole through the lift ceiling with his laser sword. Obi-Wan contacted R2 and asked him to take control of the lift. R2 attempted to hack into the lift systems wirelessly, but failed. Anakin got impatient and jumped through the hole he made. R2 found a terminal and was finally able to hack into the lift's systems. He sent the lift down before Obi-Wan could tell him he wanted the lift to go up. Anakin grabbed and held onto a ledge. While he hanged on, the shaft doors directly above him opened and some droids peered in, wanting to know what had happened to the lift.
R2 reversed direction for the lift, but was found by the two strange combat droids and grabbed by them. Anakin tricked the droids in the shaft doorway above him to peer further down the shaft, and he leapt onto the ascending lift as it crushed the droids. He made it back into the lift.
R2 squirted the two combat droids who had grabbed him, and set fire to them with his rocket thrusters.
The lift Obi-Wan and Anakin were on finally reached its destination, and they found a room where Palpatine was tied to a chair. He revealed to them that he agreed to meet Count Dooku in secret, but when Dooku saw he was alone, he kidnapped him. Obi-Wan began to ponder why the Separatists seemed to be fighting each other, when they were confronted by Dooku.
R2 was still by the terminal at the hangar. Obi-Wan commented that Dooku must be working with the General Grievous that rumors had indicated was behind this attack, but Dooku only expressed surprise that Grievous was supposedly there and that the dreadnought was Dooku's ship. Dooku explained that he broke off from the Separatists after the Battle of Geonosis, and that he got Nute Gunray to give him back the Peace Moon plans, which Dooku intended to show to the Senate, but the Senate refused to see him, which is when he then kidnapped Palpatine.
Obi-Wan and Anakin were able to figure out that it was Dooku who led the ships that raided Coruscant and kidnapped Palpatine, but that Grievous had been sent by Gunray to go after Dooku, and that Grievous and his ships arrived just as Dooku's ships were about to leave. So the people of Coruscant thought they were seeing one giant fleet of Separatists led by Grievous, when it was actually two rival factions fighting it out with each other.
Anakin accused Dooku of being a Sith lord, and rushed forward to attack. He and Obi-Wan dueled with Dooku with their laser swords. Dooku broke off the fight and told them they could find proof of Palpatine's treachery by looking at the Peace Moon plans, which would show that Palpatine's plans would make the Peace Moon into a massive doomsday weapon. Obi-Wan ordered R2 to hack into the ship's computers and see if he could find the plans. R2 claimed the plans just showed an artificial moon made of rock, much to Dooku's surprise.
Obi-Wan and Anakin resumed their fight with Dooku. Dooku used Force Push to ram Obi-Wan into the only known railing in the Darths&Droids universe, causing Obi-Wan to fall over and land on the lower deck two meters below. Dooku then used the Force to cause the higher platfom to land on top of Obi-Wan. The combined injuries of Obi-Wan hitting the railing, landing on the lower deck, and having the platfrom land on top of him, caused him to lapse into unconciousness.
Anakin continued to duel Dooku. He used the dexterity of his artificial hand to slice off both of Dooku's hands. He now had Dooku at his mercy, holding both his own laser sword and Dooku's laser sword up to to Dooku's neck. Dooku claimed he had just realized that Gunray must have switched the Peace Moon plans, which is why R2 only saw an artificial moon made of rock. Anakin whispered to Dooku to trust him, and told him to say aloud that he was a Sith Lord and that there was another. Dooku did as he was asked, and Anakin used this as an excuse to kill him. Dooku had time to gasp out, "Non! Wait! Anakin, Ah am your f-" before Anakin decapitated him with both laser swords.
Anakin freed Palpatine, but told him he needed to inquire about the Jedi Council, that a Sith lord working with Dooku had clearly infiltrated the Council and used it to fund the clone army from Kamino and to plot the downfall of the Republic.
R2 pointed out the ship was taking an awful lot of damage. Anakin suggested he and Palpatine leave. Anakin wanted to leave Obi-Wan to die, but Palpatine wouldn't hear of it. He told Anakin to carry Obi-Wan, and that he, Palpatine wouldn't leave without Obi-Wan. Anakin did as he said.
Anakin ordered R2 to hack into the gravity generators and to gently tilt the gravity 90 degrees, so that he and Palpatine with Obi-Wan could walk along the lift shaft. R2 tried to use his rocket thrusters to stay near the terminal, but he slid helplessly down the floor that was now tilted 90 degrees. Anakin and Palpatine, with Anakin carrying Obi-Wan, were making their way along the shaft, but without R2 at the terminal, the gravity soon righted itself to normal, causing them to fall. Anakin managed to grab onto a ledge while still carrying Obi-Wan, while Palpatine grabbed onto Anakin's foot. At that moment, Obi-Wan woke up. Anakin used a grappling hook to swing all three of them through an open shaft doorway, landing safely, albeit a bit bruised, on the floor.
R2 had landed in a pile of rubble. He used his periscope to see above the rubble. R2 became frightened and paranoid, and he bolted from the rubble and zoomed out of the hangar.
Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Palpatine were trying to make their way to the hangar when they get caught in a force field trap. R2 ran into them, almost literally, as in his panic he ran straight into a wall. Some combat droids arrived and took all of them prisoner.
The droids took the prisoners to their leader, General Grievous. When Obi-Wan referred to Grievous' "droids", Grievous corrected him. Inside each of these casings was an organic brain, that the "droids" were actually Cyborgs. "Cyborgs. Under. My. COMMAND. Upon hearing this familiar phrasing, Obi-Wan realized that Grievous was the former Chancellor Valorum. Grievous claimed that old name no longer had any meaning to him. Valorum/General Grievous claimed he had ways to improve R2's robotic body. At first, R2 liked the idea until Grievous explained that his idea of improvement was a brain transplant. Grievous intended to give R2's robotic body Obi-Wan's cerebral cortex and Anakin's amygdala. R2 panicked, and tried to zap at Grievous with his ineffective shock probes. This provided Obi-Wan and Anakin with the distraction they needed to use Force Pull to retrieve their laser swords and destroy all of Grievous' Combat Cyborgs and Magnaguards present. Cornered, Grievous began a long, rambling, seemingly nonsensical monologue that ended with, "Air is for suckers." He then smashed a bridge window, and escaped out of it.
R2 was able to hack into the control systems and turn on the emergency shutters, saving everyone from being sucked out into space. Grievous' remaining minions evacuated the ship. Obi-Wan thought they should leave too, but R2 nixed that idea by jettisoning the remaining escape pods. R2 took control of the ship, ecstatic at having a dreadnought of his own to command. But as the dreadnought entered Coruscant's atmosphere, it snapped in half and the half they were on plummeted out of control to the earth below.
Anakin fired all their missiles downwards at point blank range, which would cause the explosion to cushion their landing. He tried it and it worked, but now their dreadnought half was speeding down a runway and wouldn't be able to stop before going off the runway. Anakin used Force Push to cause their dreadnought half to crash into a watchtower, bringing it to a stop.
At the landing, Obi-Wan, R2, Anakin, and Chancellor Palpatine were greeted by a small crowd that included Mace Windu and C-3PO. Mace Windu berated them, revealing that their crash landing killed several people. Anakin claimed that they actually managed to save lives, and that thousands might've died if they hadn't landed the dreadnought like they did. Palpatine added that they did manage to rescue him, and Mace Windu was willing to drop the matter. Bail Organa informed them that the Trade Federation were about to invade Naboo again, but Obi-Wan, Anakin, R2, and 3PO were all distracted by the fact that none of them had any idea who Bail Organa was supposed to be. They had met him two years earlier, but since he'd done nothing important or memorable, they'd all forgotten him by this time.
Padme showed up and was quickly reunited with Anakin.
After learning the real Peace Moon plans did have a planet-destroying weapon (Gunray had given Dooku fake plans that didn't show the weapon), and after turning Palpatine and Windu against each other, Anakin started to look up the Jedi Archives, but Padme and R2 approached him to ask if Palpatine was the bad guy. Padme asked Anakin why he never told her anything. So Anakin decided to confide his plan to Padme: Palpatine was a good man, but Anakin believed he needed persuasion. Anakin had told Mace Windu that Palpatine was a Sith Lord, and Windu had just gone to try to arrest him. Anakin had been sowing the seeds of this for a while. In a few minutes he'd show up and convince Palpatine that Windu was a traitor. Palpatine would have Windu arrested and the Jedi declared outlaws. Then Anakin would be second only to Palpatine. The power behind the throne. Padme decided that was an awesome plan.
Padme asked how she could help. Anakin explained he was looking up the Jedi Archives to see if he could figure out who the sleeper agents were that Nute Gunray mentioned. Padme casually asked if he meant besides Mace Windu. This confused Anakin, so Padme casually pointed out how Windu was in charge of the Jedi Treasury which secretly funded the clone army, and was also in charge of the Jedi Archives which got corrupted by dogs. Anakin, shocked, realized that this would explain why Windu was so vague all the time. R2, just as shocked as Anakin, realized this would also explain why Windu never remembered his dreams. Anakin, stunned to realize that one of the people he'd been accusing during this entire story might actually be guilty of something, ran off. C-3PO arrived to interview Padme for the Droid Daily.
After massacring all the Jedi and their Younglings at the Jedi Temple, Anakin decided to go to Naboo to track Nute Gunray there. Meanwhile, R2-D2 wanted to know what was happening with his dreadnought. He learned that he now had the full rights and title deed to the dreadnought. He then learned that he also had messages from sixteen different creditors, and a summons to appear in court on seven counts of malicious property damage, occasioning death. Upon learning this, R2 decided he'd definitely help Anakin navigate his ship to the Naboo war zone. Besides, maybe he could sell his dreadnought to Gunray since Gunray was into trade.
Anakin and R2 arrived at where Naboo was supposed to be, only to find it was not there. R2 scanned for it, and found it was now orbiting a gas giant, that the tides were causing increased volcanic activity because the Trade Federation conquered the planet and moved it, smeltering the entire planet. R2 concluded with delight that this was being done to build the Peace Moon. Many on the planet had perished, but R2 thought that the creation of a new superweapon was a distinct upside.
Anakin and R2 landed near the Trade Federation hq on the planet. Anakin was determined to avenge Naboo and fight the Feds. R2 realized he didn't have very effective weapons, so volunteered to stay and guard the ship.
Padme and C-3PO, with Obi-Wan as a stowaway, reached Naboo on their ship, after Anakin had massacred the Trade Federation and Separatist leaders. C-3PO expressed concern for the dinosaur ponies, and the third degree burns they must have suffered from the smeltering.
Padme left her ship and confronted Anakin. She told him that before Anakin could rule the Galaxy, he needed to confront the Dark Side of the Force within him. She pointed out that when Qui-Gon injected him with midi-chlorians, it clouded his mind, leading him to kill Greedo. When he tried to justify it to Padme, she told him that he needed to see in himself the true Balance of the Force, the Balance of Love and Death. She pointed out how he wanted his mother Shmi to love him, but instead Shmi was scared of him. And that when Shmi couldn't bring herself to say that she still loved Anakin, he used the Force to kill her. Anakin was so furious upon hearing this, he used the Force to strangle Padme. Obi-Wan emerged from the ship and demanded that Anakin release her. Anakin snarled, "She's a liar! I would never harm anyone I love!" Obi-Wan roared back, "You're killing your own wife!" Shocked by this realization, Anakin released Padme, who collapsed to the ground.
Obi-Wan expressed outrage at what Anakin had done. This only disgusted R2, since what he wanted to do was go take charge of the Peace Moon. He went off to do so.
Padme was still alive, but barely. C-3PO had brought her back to the ship. C-3PO explained to Obi-Wan and R2 that seeing Padme lying on the ground like that made her shudder. Obi-Wan, R2, 3PO, and Padme departed Naboo on the ship.
R2 helped to stabilize Padme with his shock probe. Obi-Wan asked R2 why he hadn't gone off to take over the Peace Moon. R2 explained that he lost interest when he discovered that it would take 20 years to build the thing.
As Padme was being operated on, a GH-7 Medical Analysis Unit informed the others that while Padme was dying beyond any hope of recovery, there was still a chance the hospital might be able to save...the twins.
Obi-Wan was with Padme as she was giving birth, assisted by a rather inept EW-3 Midwife Droid. Padme first gave birth to a boy, whom she named Luke. She then gave birth to a girl, whom she named Leia. Padme died.
Bail Organa informed Obi-Wan and Yoda that Naboo had been liberated. He revealed that General Jar-Jar Binks led the assault, nixed the Feds, and moved the planet back to its original orbit; that Sio Bibble saved most of the people by schmoozing with the Feds; that the capital Theed was protected by a force field; but the Lost Orb of Phanastacoria was once again lost. They pondered what to do with the babies. Yoda declared they should never be allowed to learn the Force and that it was too dangerous to keep them together. Organa volunteered that he had a "chick" on Alderaan who was into kids, who'd raise the girl. They decided to give Leia Padme's blaster. As Organa left, Obi-Wan and Yoda argued about what to do next. Yoda wanted to go meditate on the Jedi's failures, while Obi-Wan wanted to rebuild the Jedi and Republic. Obi-Wan declared that he'd take the boy as far away from Alderaan as possible. Yoda was fine with that because it meant this brother and sister would never have to meet each other. Obi-Wan took Padme's underwater oxygen extraction apparatus and grappling hook to give to Luke when he was older.
Obi-Wan decided he'd take the boy to Tatooine, where Luke had family that was more remote than Padme's family on Naboo. But Obi-Wan had no way of getting there because Clone Troopers had just destroyed his ship while looking for Jedi. R2 offered his space dreadnought for Obi-Wan to borrow, although R2 warned that it's weapons weren't online yet and it had no guidance system.
Organa ordered a subordinate, Captain Antilles, to look after R2-D2 and C-3PO until Obi-Wan got back. He informed Antilles that their Rebellion now had a cause: to take down the Man.
A New Generation Edit
19 years later, Captain Antilles, Princess, R2-D2, and C-3PO were all part of the Rebellion against the Empire and its corrupt Senate and were aboard a starship that had acquired the secret plans of the Peace Moon. They were trying to head back to Alderaan with the plans, but R2 had hacked into the starship's main computer and taken the ship off course to Tattooine, because he'd become obsessed with getting back his dreadnought that Obi-Wan borrowed to go to Tattooine and never gave back. They'd run into an Imperial Star Destroyer that R2 had opened fire on. The Destroyer caught the ship in a tractor beam and pulled it into a docking bay. Antilles led the ship's Rebel Soldiers, preparing to ambush the Clone Troopers when they came aboard and loot their Destroyer. When the Troopers boarded the ship, they traded fire with Antilles' soldiers. Antilles and his men fell back.
R2 led a reluctant 3PO trying to get to an airlock that would lead to the Destroyer. They ran into Antilles and his men retreating from the Clone Troopers. The Troopers had been firing at the Rebel Soldiers, but hadn't hit anything. 3PO didn't think they could get in between the crossfire without getting hit, but the Troopers recognized R2 and 3PO as civilians, and deliberately fired around them to avoid hitting them. R2 and 3PO passed safely through the hallway the fight was taking place in. Antilles was made confident by the Troopers' poor marksmanship and ordered his men to fire back at them. Suddenly, there was a pause among the Troopers, and then they fired back as one with chilling efficiency, slaughtering all of the Rebel Soldiers. Antilles, the only survivor, retreated. Into the hallway strode a figure in black armor and a black helmet that completely covered the figure's body, and a black cape. This was Darth Vader.
R2 had gotten separated from 3PO and ran into Princess. She told him they could no longer go to Alderaan since that was now what the enemy would now expect them to do. She gave the plans to R2 and told him that he and 3PO needed to get to Naboo and deliver those plans to Senator Jar Jar Binks. She told him she'd create a diversion and that she and Antilles would meet them on Naboo. She then departed.
R2 reunited with 3PO and they prepared to leave the ship in an escape pod, but first R2 attempted to hack into the Destroyer's computer to disable its weapons.
R2 and 3PO headed towards an escape pod. R2 and 3PO made their way to an escape pod and took off.
On board the Destroyer Gunnery Captain Bolvan ordered Lieutenant Hija to shoot the escape pod. Hija objected because the pod had no life readings. Bolvan pointed out that droids could pilot ships without giving off life readings. Hija tried to fire, but his guns had short-circuited. R2 took pride in his handiwork.
3PO and R2's escape pod had landed on Tattooine. 3PO thought she saw a settlement in one direction, but R2's tracker indicated his dreadnought was in the opposite direction. They argued about which way to go, and R2 suggested they split up. 3PO didn't think that was such a good idea. R2 said it wasn't his fault that Obi-Wan was too stupid to return R2's dreadnought. 3PO was angered by this, telling him to go find his stupid dreadnought while she went the other way.
As R2 continued to track his dreadnought, he was suddenly ambushed by Jawas, who shot him, shortcircuiting him, and took him to their sandcrawler. He reunited with 3PO, who was there along with a lot of other droids. But 3PO was still angry with R2 and refused to talk with him. The Jawas had placed a restraining bolt on his chassis, so he wouldn't even want to escape. Since he couldn't escape, R2 decided to continue tracking his dreadnought. His sensors told him it was nine meters away and getting closer. R2 realized to his fury that that could only mean the dreadnought's homer was inside the sandcrawler, which at that moment came to a stop and opened up. The Jawas approached all the droids. R2 demanded to know what they'd done to his dreadnought. The Jawas just told him to line up outside with the other droids.
Adam Lars had lived on the desert world of Tatooine all his life, (19 years) and he was helping his father, Owen Lars, purchase some droids from the Jawas. C-3PO and R2-D2 were among the droids being lined up for sale. 3PO greeted Owen and asked if he remembered her, but Owen whispered to her not to let the others hear her. He decided to purchase 3PO and another droid, Red, and put Adam in charge of them. He ordered Adam to have them both secured in the garage right away before dinner. They were about to head to their home when Red short-circuited. 3PO suggested they purchase R2 instead and they agreed.
Adam locked in R2 and 3PO into the garage. 3PO noticed there was enough oil for her to take a bath so she did so, cleaning out the dust contamination in her body. R2 told Adam he was going to have to clean R2 manually. 3PO summarized the story up to this point (she clearly thought Anakin was dead) and that Palpatine was so beloved, the people made him Emperor for life, but he was beholden to a corrupt Senate, that 3PO and R2 were part of a Rebellion against the Senate, that they'd learned that the Peace Moon was being powered by the Lost Orb of Phanastacoria to be used as a weapon by the Senate, so they'd stolen some plans of the Peace Moon to find a way to retrieve the Orb from the Moon and restore it to its rightful owners, the Gungans of Naboo. 3PO told Adam they were trying to take the plans to the only Senator they could trust, Jar Jar Binks of Naboo. 3PO offered to have Adam join them and help save the Galaxy. Adam refused, not wanting to blow his quest by letting R2 and 3PO out of the garage. R2 tried to persuade him by replaying a part of Princess' message. Adam still refused. R2 asked Adam one favor, whatever he did, please don't remove the bolt attached to R2's chases. Of course, Adam couldn't resist and removed the restraining bolt from R2.
Adam was called in to have supper with his parents, Owen and Beru Lars. R2 took this opportunity to leave and go out in the desert.
Adam was ordered by his parents to melt down the droids. 3PO was able to talk Adam from melting her down only by offering to help him track down R2. The next morning, they located R2. Adam ordered him and 3PO to line up before a rock wall so he could melt them down on the spot. R2 and 3PO tried to talk him out of it, to no avail. Suddenly they all got the feeling they were being watched. Adam got out his binoculars. Adam was able to locate the banthas the Sand People rode in on, but then a Sand Person leaped up upon them. 3PO tried to karate chop the Sand Person, but fell over. Adam wanted to attack the Sand Person, but he was armed only with a pair of binoculars, so Adam tried to dodge, but the Sand Person was able to knock him to the ground. The Sand Person struck Adam again and knocked him unconscious.
The Sand People laid out Adam's unconcious body. R2-D2 hid behind some rocks. C-3PO tried to play dead by pulling out one of her arms. The Sand People didn't fall for this ploy and laid her out beside Adam. The Sand People saw R2's hiding place and approached him.
Obi-Wan arrived and approached the Sand People. The Sand People bowed respectfully at Obi-Wan and left. Obi-Wan revived Adam. Adam didn't want to talk to Obi-Wan at first, since his parents warned him against talking to strangers, so Obi-Wan introduced himself as Obi-Wan Kenobi, a former Jedi knight, and explained that the Jedi were a force for good once. R2 demanded to know what Obi-Wan did to R2's dreadnought. Obi-Wan just replied that he crashed it and left it. Adam was surprised to learn that Obi-Wan and R2 alraedy knew each other. Obi-Wan explained they fought together in the Droid Wars. 3PO explained that these wars led to the downfall of the Jedi and the corruption of the Senate. R2 explained that Adam intended to melt down him and 3PO, but they really needed to contact Senator Jar Jar Binks, and the fate of the Galaxy lay in the balance. Obi-Wan suggested they talk further at his home. Adam wanted to go back to his own home and finish his quest of melting down the droids. Obi-Wan told him he had no dispute with Adam's quest and told Adam to follow him. Adam found himself going along with Obi-Wan.
At Obi-Wan's home, 3PO was able to talk Adam into reattaching her arm before she was to be melted down. Obi-Wan explained to Adam how Adam's father betrayed the Jedi and orchestrated their extermination, that there was now no safe haven in the Galaxy for the Jed, and that Obi-Wan hadn't spoken to Adam's father since. Adam was shocked to hear that his dad, Owen Lars, did all that. Obi-Wan started to explain that Adam's life was a lie. He showed Adam his father's laser sword, and explained that Adam never knew his real father. Adam was just confused by this, so Obi-Wan gave him an ultimatum: if Adam returned to his moisture farm, the story would end, he would melt down the droids, and he could believe whatever he wanted to; but if he took the laser sword, Obi-Wan could show Adam who he really was. Adam thought about it and decided: a laser sword had to be better than binoculars.
Obi-Wan told Adam that his real name wasn't "Adam Lars" but "Luke Amidala", and that Obi-Wan was there when his mother gave birth to him and named him. 3PO added that they all were. Obi-Wan told Luke (as he shall be called from now on) that the people he thought were his parents were actually his aunt and uncle, and that they devoted their lives to Luke's protection. He told Luke that Luke was a Jedi. Luke asked how that could be. Obi-Wan told him his true father was a powerful Jedi, a strong user of the Force, and explained what the Force was. Obi-Wan told Luke that to those hunting the Jedi, Luke had always been a target, which is why he needed to be kept hidden. Obi-Wan offered to train Luke in the use of the Force. Luke asked if the fact he'd gone through the first 19 years of his life without knowing anything about the Force and the Jedi would be a problem. Obi-Wan stammered, no, not at all.
Obi-Wan told Luke that his aunt and uncle lied to him about being his parents to protect him. Luke asked about his real parents. Obi-Wan related how Luke's father was corrupted, and killed Luke's mother, how Obi-Wan duelled with him and he fell. He also told Luke that his mother was an angel, and he passed on what she wanted Luke to have when he was old enough: her underwater oxygen extraction aparatus and grappling hook.
Luke realized that this meant 3PO and R2's story of a Galaxy saving quest was true. R2 replayed Princess' message about going to Naboo with the Peace Moon plans (after getting a wrong message of Princess gossiping about her hair). Obi-Wan couldn't believe everyone was still concerned about the Peace Moon plans. Luke decided to go on this mission. Obi-Wan suggested they get a spaceship at Mos Eisley, but R2 wanted to reclaim his dreadnought and intended to have a not-so-friendly talk with the Jawas that took its homing signal.
Obi-Wan, 3PO, R2, and Luke came across the Jawas, all of them slaughtered. Obi-Wan determined that the laser blasts that killed them were far too percise for Sand People, and it couldn't have been clone troopers because they were rubbish at shooting. Obi-Wan decided it must have been Owen and Beru, that they must have gone on a murderous rampage looking for Luke. Luke sped back home, only to discover that the farm had been destroyed and that Owen and Beru had been killed. 3PO asked if that meant he wouldn't melt down her and R2. Luke replied that he ought to honor their last request.
On Tatooine, Luke related the destrucion of his home and the deaths of his aunt and uncle to Obi-Wan and the droids. He said those clone troopers must be better shots than Obi-Wan thought. Obi-Wan pointed out that they were cloned from Jango Fett, who had a nervous twitch whenever he fired at living beings, which meant he never hit. R2 announced he was done looting the Jawas' bodies. Luke demanded his share, so R2 gave him a spread-spectrum black-body alpha wave suppressor. Luke recalled how he broke all of Owen and Beru's rules, he went out at night, looked at the sky, talked to strangers, and now his aunt and uncle were dead. 3PO suggested he help them save lives by joining in their quest. Luke agreed to help them until they could find a blast furnace.
Obi-Wan took Luke, C-3PO, and R2-D2 to Mos Eisley, warning them that they'd never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. The others concluded that the more wretched hives of scum and villainy must be very well hidden. Obi-Wan advised against Luke using his real name of Luke Amidala, since that last name would ring alarm bells. Luke chose to call himself "Luke Starkiller" from then on.
As they entered the city on Luke's hovercar, R2 was outraged when he saw that Mos Eisley was made up from pieces of his beloved dreadnought because he knew what that meant: the natives had torn apart his dreadnought and used it to build Mos Eisley. They were stopped by a squad of Clone Troopers, who informed them the Troopers were looking for a dangerous lunatic and two droids, that the lunatic was a home-schooled survivalist from an off-grid compound. The Troopers asked them if they'd seen anything unusual lately. Luke claimed he hadn't. Obi-Wan asked what this lunatic looked like. The Troopers replied that he looked just like Luke, then asked Luke and Obi-Wan if they'd seen anyone of that description. Obi-Wan said he hadn't aside from Luke and asked Luke if he had a twin. Luke replied no, not that he was aware of. Obi-Wan apologized for not being more help. The Troopers let them go, but suggested to Luke that he could come patrol with them when he was not too busy to give people a better idea of what this lunatic looked like, no offense.
Obi-Wan took Luke, 3PO, and R2 to a cantina to try to find a pilot to take them to Naboo. Obi-Wan talked to BoShek who reccomended he talk to a Wookie. The Wookie was Chewbacca, the Wookie Yoda had talked to 19 years earlier on Kashyyyk. But before Obi-Wan could talk to Chewbacca, Wuher, the bartender, ordered R2 out of the cantina because he was on their blacklist, due to R2 having a bad reputation. 3PO volunteered to wait outside with R2, and they left.
Outside the cantina, R2 and 3PO noticed that Troopers had spotted Luke's hovercar, noticed that it matched the description they'd been given, and actually seemed to realize that it must be the hovercar they were looking for. R2 tried to hack into the dreadnought's weapons systems. He hacked into something, and turned it on before finding out what it was. It turned out that what he hacked into was something that turned on some really loud music, music so loud that the Troopers left just to get away from it. R2 considered that a victory.
At Mos Eisley, Clone Troopers knocked on the door of a house, asking if there were any droids there. 3PO emerged and told them there weren't. The Troopers believed her (even though C-3PO was quite obviously a droid) and left. 3PO asked R2 why he cared so much about the dreadnought. R2 explained that it was his, and that if he gave up now, it won. 3PO told him he couldn't control the things he loved, that the bulkheads of the dreadnought were being used to house people now, and it was time to let go. R2 resignedly agreed, consoling himself that Mos Eisley was now a bustling hive of scum and villainy, a thriving market town, all thanks to his dreadnought.
Luke and Obi-Wan reunited with 3PO and R2 as they went off to the spaceport to meet Greedo and Chewbacca. Luke wanted to know why all the Clone Troopers they'd met were such total idiots. Obi-Wan explained that their clone father had installed a failsafe in them in the event of his death. Jango Fett thought it would kill them, but all it really killed was their connection to the Force, which had left them extremely suggestable unless they were controlled by a strong Force user. The way Obi-Wan said this indicated that he realized there was a sinister implication in this.
Obi-Wan, Luke, R2, and 3PO met Greedo and Chewbacca at the Millenium Falcon. Greedo announced that he just found out he was adopted and that his real name was Han Solo. When Luke asked him what happened to his accent, Han (as Greedo will be called from now on) only replied, "What accent?" Everyone except Han had gone onboard, when suddenly Garindan led a squad of Troopers into the spaceport, ordering the Troopers to stop them. Han fired on them and rushed onboard. He asked which way to the bridge. Obi-Wan pointed out the trail of duct tape labled, "This way to the bridge". Han and Chewbacca desperately tried to get the Falcon started, which neither of them had ever been on board before, while trying to pretend to the others that they know all about flying it. Somehow they managed to get the Falcon in orbit, but they were approached by two Imperial Star Destroyers who began firing on them. Through trial and error (including Han frantically mashing on every control he could get his hands on) they were finally able to get the Falcon safely into hyperspace.
While onboard the Falcon, Obi-Wan decided to train Luke in the use of the Force. Luke drew his laser sword, but was feeling a bit nervous holding such a dangerous weapon.
At the same time Luke was training, R2-D2 was playing a holographic RPG with Chewbacca. R2's holographic PC double crossed and killed Chewbacca's holographic PC and looted its body. But Chewbacca anticipated R2 would do this, and placed in his PC's coin purse a cursed item that depleted R2's PC's combat stats. Chewbacca smugly informed R2 he'd have to pay to get Chewbacca's PC resurrected.
To train Luke, Obi-Wan had a practice drone fire lasers at Luke to deflect with his laser sword. Luke tried, but failed, getting hit. Obi-Wan gave Luke a helmet to wear that covered his eyes, telling Luke it would protect his face from the laser sword. Obi-Wan told Luke to trust his instincts, and use the Force to anticipate where the laser blasts would come from. Luke now successfully deflected the laser blasts...which ended up hitting Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan just shrugged it off. The Falcon then reached where Naboo used to be.
The Falcon left hyperspace, but where Naboo should've been, there was only an asteroid field. Obi-Wan suggested that maybe Han didn't use the right controls, but Chewbacca verified that this is where Naboo was supposed to be, but that some tragedy must have destroyed the whole planet. C-3PO and R2 recalled all the good people they knew who would've perished in Naboo's destruction. Han was ecstatic, it turned out he used the right controls after all. Obi-Wan declared that Naboo's destruction could only have been a deliberate act of War. Chewbacca noted there was a short range fighter ahead of them. Han called that fighter a mass murderer and chased the Falcon after it. Luke noted that the fighter was headed into a big space station. Obi-Wan replied that that was no space station, that was the Peace Moon. Han flew the Falcon straight into the Peace Moon's docking bay, because he figured that was the last thing the enemy would expect.
Darth Vader ordered the Falcon to be torn apart. The Clone Troopers had no idea how they were supposed to tear apart the Falcon, but they noticed all the duct tape inside the ship and removed it. Assuming this would cause the Falcon to fall apart in a matter of time, they left. After they left, Han, Obi-Wan, 3PO, R2, Luke and Chewbacca emerged from their hiding places in secret compartments. Han declared that he had a plan.
Outside the Falcon, two Troopers were left standing guard of it, when the two-member Welcoming Crew arrived with a package of leis, champagne, and space-pineapple juice for the non-drinkers. They came onboard and were promptly dispatched by Han and Luke. Han called out to the two Troopers to come onboard and enjoy the champagne. They came onboard and were also dispatched.
In the control station overlooking the docking bay, Pol Treidum noticed the Troopers were no longer guarding the Falcon, until he saw Luke disguised as a Clone Trooper emerge from the Falcon. Treidum was angry because he thought they started the Welcoming Party without him. He opened the station door, only to be confronted by Han disguised as a Clone Trooper and Chewbacca. Treidum was delighted to see Chewbacca because he thought it meant they'd sent him a Wookie-gram and said so. Chewbacca was so enraged at being called a Wookie-gram, that he punched Treidum, knocking him down.
Han shot the other officer in the station and let in Obi-Wan, 3PO, R2, and Luke. He declared it was time for the next part of his plan, where they sprayed pheromones on the flowers in the leis he and Luke were wearing. Luke pointed out that Han had them put on the leis before putting on the Clone Trooper armor. Han decided they'd have to spray the pheromones on their armor. It turned out they had no pheromones. R2 plugged into an access port, which set off an alarm. R2 shut it off, but that triggered the alarm tampering alarm. As R2 tried to shut that off, the excess noise feedback level alarm kicked in. R2 tried to shut them all down, but 4 alarms were loudly sounding at once. On the bright side, R2 was able to locate the holding cell where Princess was being kept, and noted she was scheduled to be tortured. Luke and 3PO wanted to rescue her, while R2 wanted to retrieve the Lost Orb of Phanastacoria. Han declared they'd just have to split the party.
R2 finally shut down all the alarms, and they decided what to do. Obi-Wan decided that he'd rescue Princess by walking up to the Clone Troopers and use his Force powers to order them to hand her over to him. 3PO and R2 decided they'd get the Lost Orb. Luke decided that he, Han, and Chewbacca would stay here and man the station. Han said these were all good suggestions, but he had a better idea. Luke decided it'd be okay to tweak the plan just a little. Han smiled.
By the time Han was through, Obi-Wan had reluctantly agreed to go get the Orb by himself...somehow, 3PO and R2 had reluctantly agreed to guard the ship...somehow, and Luke had agreed that he, Han, and Chewbacca would go rescue Princess. Nobody was too enthused by this plan except Han. So he told them what he thought was the best part of the plan: he, Luke, and Chewbacca would be going to Princess' holding cell in handcuffs. On that inspiring note, Obi-Wan decided he should now leave the station to get the Orb. He told Luke to be careful with his laser sword. Luke asked Obi-Wan to give him the helmet to protect himself. Obi-Wan admitted that he only told Luke the helmet would protect him to build his confidence; in reality, the laser sword could cut through that helmet like warm butter. Obi-Wan left the station. Han ordered Luke and Chewbacca to put on their handcuffs with him. It turned out they had only one pair of handcuffs. Han decided that he should be the one wearing them. Luke pointed out they should be put on Chewbacca, since he was the only one not disguised as a Clone Trooper. Chewbacca politely declined, but Han pointed out that without the handcuffs, everyone would think Chewbacca was a Wookie-gram. Chewbacca reluctantly consented. As Han put the handcuffs on Chewbacca, Chewbacca asked Han not to lose the key this time. Han didn't even seem to know that there was a key.
Clone Troopers started to enter the holding cells area where Luke, Han, and Chewbacca were rescuing Princess. Han and Chewbacca started shooting them and retreated further into the cells, where they met up with Luke and Princess. Luke contacted C-3PO and asked if there was another way out of here besides from where they came. 3PO told him they were near a chute. Luke asked if it was safe. 3PO started to say that R2-D2 said it was safe, then Princess grabbed a blaster and shot the chute open, jumping right through it. 3PO finished by saying that R2 meant it was safe for droids. Han ordered Chewbacca to jump in, and he reluctantly did so. Luke decided to trick the Troopers by yelling for R2 to teleport them out of there, then jumped through the chute. Han followed, but wondered what happened to the teleport.
3PO and R2 were still at the station overlooking the hangar when they heard a "knock knock" sound on the station door. 3PO asked, who's there? A voice answered, Clones. 3PO asked, Clones of Who? The voice admitted, clones of someone terrible at knock knock jokes.
Princess, Luke, Han, and Chewbacca landed in a horribly stinking chamber with metal shards all about them, and the floor ankle deep with water. R2 informed them that they should be in the compost bin of the memorial gardens. Han shot the door, but the blast ricocheted all over the room. Something brushed past their legs. 3PO declared it was a dianoga, a giant Naboo earthworm, with a big eye on a stalk. The dianoga grabbed Luke and dragged him underwater. 3PO insisted they couldn't kill it because as a Naboo native, it was now the last of its kind. She implored R2 to do something, so R2 turned on the compactor. The walls started closing in, and the dianoga released Luke, who emerged from the water. The walls kept closing in. R2 tried several times to stop it, but the walls continued to close in. Han asked Luke if he was alright. Luke replied he was, because he was able to use his underwater oxygen extraction apparatus. Han told him to use his laser sword to cut a hole in the walls, but Luke refused, not trusting his laser sword. Instead, he suggested they try bracing the wall. Han thought that was a great idea, but Princess thought that was crazy and demanded that Luke either use the laser sword or give it to her. Luke told her that they were already facing solid steel walls and asked if she'd rather they were molten steel. Princess decided to help with the bracing.
At the station overlooking the hangar, a Clone Trooper finally came up with the punchline, "Clone with the wind". 3PO opened the door and congratulated him on doing a knock knock joke. She told the Clone Troopers that now it was their turn to go inside the station, close the door and wait for her and R2 to come up with a good knock knock joke. The Clone Troopers completely believed her and went in the station while she and R2 left.
3PO and R2 were out in the hangar in sight of the Falcon, and reestablished contact with Han, Princess, Luke, and Chewbacca who were still trapped in the composter with the walls closing in. R2 began to wonder if maybe this was because at the same time he'd been trying to shut down the composter, he'd been downloading the entire data on the Peace Moon in hopes of gaining control of it. All R2's efforts to shut down the composter failed. Han took charge of the bracing, and calculated where precisely to place each metal shard they'd got that would brace the walls, keeping them from closing in. The composter grinded to a halt.
R2 was trying to guide Obi-Wan to the Lost Orb, but his description of gardens and flowers didn't match the metal space station. R2 directed Obi-Wan to a "memorial garden" that was actually a metal catwalk over a huge gaping pit. R2 told him the Lost Orb was in the center of a "fountain" that was actually a tall, cylindrical, electrical tower whose top was next to the catwalk overlooking the pit.
Princess and Luke ran into a group of Clone Troopers and retreated. Luke contacted R2 for directions. R2 led them to the "Gungan Divorium", actually a large ravine where they couldn't see the bottom, onto one edge of an unfinished bridge. Some Clone Troopers on a higher platform across the other side started firing at them. Luke fired back and decided to use his grappling hook. He tossed the hook and it wrapped around an exposed pole. Princess kissed Luke. Luke asked why she did that. She explained that she wanted to kiss somebody before she died. Princess held on to Luke as he managed to swing them safely to the other side.
Obi-Wan once sensed an ominous Force presence. He contacted the others and told them they needed to escape the Peace Moon before the Imperials closed the hangar, if they hadn't already. 3PO informed them the hangar was still open.
3PO tried to urge R2 to get back on the Falcon, but R2 was still determined to download all the Peace Moon data.
Darth Vader confronted Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan addressed him as Anakin. Vader claimed that Anakin was dead, and that Obi-Wan killed the one Vader loved. They began to duel with their laser swords. Vader boasted that Vader'd found Vader's daughter and now Vader only needed to find Vader's son. Obi-Wan lied to Vader, claiming Vader's son was dead. Vader was able to sense that Obi-Wan was concealing something from Vader, and was able to sense from him the name, Starkiller. Obi-Wan told Vader that was the name of Vader's son's murderer, a ruffian who betrayed and murdered Vader's son and took his name. Vader determined that the name of Vader's son's killer must then be Luke Starkiller, and vowed to avenge Vader's son by tracking down Luke Starkiller and killing him. Obi-Wan realized he'd just made things more difficult for Luke.
Princess and Luke reunited with Han and Chewbacca, just outside the hangar. R2 and 3PO were on the opposite side of the hangar. Everyone agreed they should try to make their way to the Falcon and escape except R2, who wanted to get the Orb. When 3PO started to head for the Falcon, R2 reluctantly went with her.
Vader and Obi-Wan continued to duel. Obi-Wan told Vader that Obi-Wan knew Vader was using the Force to control the Clone Troopers, and without Vader's malevolent influence, they'd be harmless. Their duel had led them to an open corridor next to the Falcon, which distracted the Troopers guarding the Falcon, who rushed over to get a better look at the fight.
Princess, Luke, Han, Chewbacca, R2, and 3PO noticed the Troopers leaving their post at the Falcon. They started to make their way to the Falcon when they saw what had distracted the Troopers. Vader continued dueling Obi-Wan. Princess addressed Vader as dad and told Vader to stop embarrassing her. Han thought this must mean Obi-Wan was her dad. Vader ordered the clones to shoot Obi-Wan's friends. Obi-Wan used Force Persuade to tell the clones not to. The clones obeyed him. Vader attacked with Force Disintegrate. Knowing there was no way he could beat that after being distracted from taking over the clones, Obi-Wan just let Vader strike him with Vader's laser sword, killing Obi-Wan and disintegrating his body. Luke was horrified. Vader ordered the clones to attack them, and left. Luke shot the Troopers in a blind rage. Princess urged Luke to get on the Falcon. They along with Han, R2, 3PO, and Chewbacca made it back into the Falcon. Chewbacca informed Han that since the Falcon was facing the hangar, Han would need to get it into reverse. Han pulled a random switch that luckily happened to be reverse, and the Falcon escaped the Peace Moon.
Onboard the Falcon Luke was mourning the loss of Obi-Wan, and questioned what he was even doing there. Princess was so disgusted by his self-pity, she insulted and berated him, telling he ought to join the Rebellion because he had as much reason to hate the Empire as anyone, after all, because of the Empire, Luke's dad Anakin turned evil and murdered his mother. Luke pointed out that Obi-Wan killed Anakin, and Princess agreed, stating that he died on Naboo. This was the first Luke learned that his father "died" on the same planet that just got blown up. Princess revealed that Luke's mother Padme came from Naboo and was buried there. Luke was livid to learn that his mother's resting place was "desecrated to the max." R2 told him to let his hatred glow. . Princess pointed out that her dad was evil, too, going out destroying innocent planets. Princess told him the Rebellion needed him since he had Force powers. Luke asked what good was the Force since it clearly didn't help Obi-Wan. Princess called him a sniveling nerf-herder. Princess continued to berate Luke. Luke angrily retorted that he just found out he'd been lied to his entire life and that every person he'd known for longer than two days was now dead. C-3PO took offense to that, saying that droids were people too.
Han interrupted to ask if anybody could man the rear gun pod, because they had an enemy fighter situation. Luke decided he could still shoot stuff, and went to the rear gun pod as Han went to the other gun pod. Princess joined Chewbacca at the bridge, still expressing disgust that Luke was too scared to use the Force. She also lamented the loss of Obi-Wan, the last Jedi, stating he was their only hope. Chewbacca replied, no, there was another. He explained that Yoda was another Jedi who survived the clones' Jedi massacre and was still alive. He revealed how Yoda sabotaged his standing among his fellow Wookies, and then abandoned him on Kashyyyk, forcing Chewbacca to make his own way by becoming a rogue with Han. Princess exclaimed, "Man, what a freaking muppet."
The Falcon was being pursued by 4 enemy PIE fighters. Han started firing at them. 3PO asked what she could do. Han ordered her to get him hot chocolate with white marshmellows, no pink ones. 3PO angrily told him that droids weren't slaves, and since she and R2-D2 were among those who hired him, they were his boss. Han asked if she'd like white or pink marshmallows. 3PO told him to just shoot the fighters.
The PIE fighters started firing on the Falcon, scoring a major hit, causing a fire. R2 exclaimed the ship was on the blink and tried to put out the fire with his own built in extinguisher. The PIE fighters scored another major hit.
Han fired at a PIE fighter on full auto with maximum spread and scored zero hits. Princess told R2 to help the others with targeting, but R2 refused, saying there was no way he was contaminating his circuits by plugging into this decrepit flying death trap. Luke calculated the moment a PIE fighter would line up to his line of fire, and destroyed it on his first shot. The same thing happens with the next 2 PIE fighters: Han fired multiple times and missed with all of them, while Luke destroyed each fighter on his first hit for each. Finally, Han just let Luke take out the last one by himself, which Luke did, again on the first hit. R2 yelled, "Flee! Flee! Suckers!"Princess yelled, "We're alive! Suck it, Dad!" Han asked if she wanted to broadcast that, and she replied, "Hell, yeah!"
Later, onboard the Falcon, Princess thought they should go straight to the Rebel Base, and with R2's downloaded data on the Peace Moon, they'd be able to expose the Senate. R2 was glad somebody appreciated his data leaching. Luke was worried the Peace Moon would be able to track them. She told them all the Falcon was so old-fashioned that it didn't have a coherent ion engine signature, so there was no way the Peace Moon would be able to track them. Luke thought they might be bugged, so Princess told him to go ahead and scan for bugs. Both Luke and R2 scanned for bugs and found nothing. Princess revealed the location of the Rebel Base and left Han and Luke alone on the bridge. Luke asked Han what he thought of Princess. Han told him she was hot and he was putting the moves on her. Luke told Han that he didn't trust her and thought she was a spy. Han decided that meant it was more important than ever for him to seduce her.
The Falcon arrived at the Rebel base on the fourth moon orbiting the gas giant planet, Yavin. At the base, Princess told General Willard that the Senate had the Peace Moon blow up Naboo and that R2 had the entire data on the Peace Moon downloaded. R2 addressed all the other Rebels (including Han, Chewbacca, 3PO, Princess, and Luke) at a briefing. He told them that the entire Moon was being powered by the Lost Orb of Phanastacoria, and that was the only way the Moon could get the energy to blow up a planet. Han asked how it was connected. R2 explained it was all being channeled by conduits on either side of the Orb. Han speculated that if the Orb got bumped while it was powering up to destroy a planet, the results could be catastrophic. This gave Luke an idea on how to destroy the Moon, and Han agreed. Give the Moon a planet to destroy, then as it powered up, fire a torpedo down a thermal exhaust port, and kaboom. 3PO was alarmed at the idea of giving the Moon a planet to blow up. Han pointed out a heavily populated Moon would do.
On Yavin, General Dodonna took over the briefing. Unfortunately, he was a long-winded gasbag that Chewbacca had to translate for, to reveal that the Peace Moon had just arrived and was heading their way. Han recommended retreat, and Chewbacca agreed. Princess pointed out they didn't have time to evacuate everybody, that their only real option was to stay and fight. Luke asked what firepower they had. Gold Leader answered that they had 4 squadrons of one-man fighters, a total of 32. Princess said they'd need to fire a torpedo into the thermal exhaust port. R2 tried to argue against destroying the Peace Moon, arguing that they could take it over instead. R2 claimed all they had to do was kill Darth Vader, use the Force to take over the clones, have them kill their superior offices, and the Peace Moon would be hi- er, theirs. He pointed out that Luke was the son of Anakin, so he could take over the clones. Luke pointed out he didn't know how to do that. 3PO added that he probably didn't want to. R2 pointed out to Princess that she wanted Luke to use the Force. She replied not to give R2 a superweapon. Princess pointed out the flaws in R2's plan: who was going to kill Vader, how was anybody going to even get near the Peace Moon, and Luke was too "chicken-livered" to use the Force. R2 pointed out her plan had the second flaw, too. Princess replied that was still two less flaws than R2's plan. 3PO asked R2 to figure out how their fighters could fly to dodge the Peace Moon's guns. R2 eagerly agreed since that would help validate his plan as well. This was the most complicated vector optimisation problem he'd ever had to solve. R2 chose to shut down all of his external systems and convert to full processing power, which would keep him out of the conversation for awhile.
Princess volunteered to lead the attack fleet. Dodonna offered in his long-winded way to be liason between the fighters and the command center. Princess vetoed that because she claimed that she'd need Dodonna to do a thing. That she'd explain later. Luke decided he'd lead the attack itself. The pilot sitting next to Luke, introduced himself as Wedge, and told Luke that even though Wedge was next in line of command, he'd support Luke all the way. This only made Luke quite suspicious of Wedge. Princess ordered all pilots to their fighters. She asked R2 if he'd made his calculations. R2 didn't respond, indicating he was still going. Princess decided he'd have to finish the calculations on the fly, and ordered Luke to take R2 to his fighter, an X-Wing.
Luke asked C-3PO what she'd be doing during the battle. She told him the Rebel Fighter pilots came from a dozen different planets and spoke many different languages, so she'd be needed at the command centre to translate for everybody. She pointed out that being so useful indicated Luke shouldn't melt her down. He agreed she was useful for now, but he may melt her down next morning.
Han and Chewbacca told Luke and 3PO that they were leaving while they still could, not wanting to take part in the battle, and then they left. Princess/Leia Amidala wished Luke luck, by kissing him on the cheek. Luke accused her of being a traitor, but she denied it, which frustrated Luke since he knew there was a traitor around somewhere. Luke ran into two of his fellow pilots, Biggs, who was also from Tatooine near Mos Eisley and spoke with a thick Space American Southern accent, and Garven Dreis who spoke with a thick Space Brittish accent. 3PO told him he was lucky to be working with pilots who spoke Galactic Basic (or Space English). Luke and R2-D2 boarded their X-Wing fighter together. R2 was still in dormant mode because he was still calculating the fighters' strategy.
Princess and 3PO took up their positions in the command center as the X-Wing fighters and Y-Wing bombers headed off to fight the Peace Moon. Luke ordered the fighters with him to report in. In addition to Biggs and Wedge, there was Red Ten who spoke in Space French, Red Seven who spoke in Space Spanish, Porkins who spoke in Space Welsh, Red Nine who spoke Space Estonian, and Red Eleven who spoke in Space Basque. 3PO translated for them all, even though all they were saying was their ship numbers and "standing by". R2 was still dormant as they began to approach the Peace Moon. The Moon opened fire on them, which Red Four reported in Space Japanese which 3PO translated. Luke dodged the blasts and shot the stations on the Peace Moon firing at them.
R2 came to life, having finished his calculations, and transmitted the vectors to the other fighters. All Rebel fighters were now flying to the formation R2 had specified. R2 apologized to Porkins. Porkins asked what, just before getting shot down by the Peace Moon's guns.
At the command center, Del Goren, speaking in Space Kanarese that 3PO translated, warned the Rebel fighters that enemy fighters were heading their way.
Luke fired at a PIE fighter. He missed, because his guns were firing a little to the left. Luke ranted about what a piece of junk his fighter was. Princess told him to quit complaining, the Rebellion was on a shoestring and he actually had the best ship in the bunch. R2 offered to compensate for Luke. Biggs told Luke a complicated way that he could manually compensate. Luke chose to beg for R2's help. Luke fired again at the PIE fighter and destroyed it.
Luke was being fired at from behind by a PIE fighter. Wedge offered to rescue Luke, but since Luke didn't trust Wedge, that didn't make Luke any less worried. Wedge fired and hit the PIE fighter.
R2 directed Luke to the "Gungaboo River Valley" because it had the lowest fixed gun density on the way to the target, the thermal exhaust port. Luke asked where that was and R2 told him it was that squareish trench, explaining that the Peace Moon was never fully landscaped. Princess asked if R2 calculated the PIE fighters in his vector. R2 said no, the Rebel fighters were just going to have to dodge. Princess ordered the X-Wings to engage the PIE fighters and the Y-bombers into the valley, pointing out that as bombers, they were the best fit for the target.
The Y-bombers consisted of three one-man fighters: Gold Leader who spoke "Basic", Gold Two who spoke Space German, and Gold Five who spoke Space Finnish. 3PO tried to translate between them, but it ended up making no difference, since Vader, accompanied by two Clone Pilots Vader was Force Controlling, came in behind them. First Vader shot Gold Two, then Vader shot down Gold Leader, then Vader shot down Gold Five.
R2 claimed they couldn't destroy the Peace Moon now. Luke asked why they couldn't torpedo the exhaust port themselves. R2 explained that the port was protected by a large metal grille, and that that was what the bombers were for: to destroy the grille so the other fighters could shoot through the port. Princess reported that they needed a new plan, stat. R2 suggested they take over the Peace Moon. Princess responded that they needed a realistic plan, stat. 3PO suggested some of the fighters ram into the grille. R2 liked that idea, and so took control of the fighters piloted by Garven Dreis, Red Ten, and Red Nine to ram them into the grille. Red Ten, who didn't want to die, desperately fired into the grille. Red Ten claimed it was a hit, which 3PO translated. R2 was pleased, so cancelled the ramming. But then Red Ten reported (through 3PO) that his torpedo didn't destroy the grille, making only a small hole in it. R2 recommenced ramming, but Vader and the two clone pilots came in behind the 3 X-Wings in the trench. Vader shot down Red Ten. Clone Pilot 1, still Force controlled by Vader, complimented Vader's shooting. Vader thanked Clone Pilot 1 and shot down Red Nine. Clone Pilot 2, also still Force controlled by Vader, complimented Vader's shooting. Vader told Clone Pilot 2 that Clone Pilot 2 was too kind and shot Dreis' engine, causing him to crash.
Princess told everybody to get their act together. The only Rebel fighters left now were Wedge, Biggs, and Luke. Luke said, "Great, the yokel and the psychopath." Wedge insisted that just because he was a shapeshifter didn't mean he was a yokel. Luke was shocked to just find out that Wedge was a shapeshifter and demanded to know who he really was. Princess told him that all he needed to know was that Wedge was a damn good pilot and would soon take over as leader of Red Squadron if Luke was not careful. Vader fired at Luke from behind. Luke managed to dodge. He decided they could still fire their torpedoes through the hole in the grille, and ordered Biggs and Wedge to close in with him as they entered the trench full throttle. Upon hearing that, Biggs declared this was the perfect time to get out a bottle of nitro moonshine. Princess told him it was a good idea of his to nitro the engines. But Biggs was just drinking it.
Vader shot at Wedge. Wedge was able to dodge, but was still hit in his maneuvering controls. Wedge said he couldn't stay with Luke. Luke was glad of that (because he still feared and distrusted Wedge) and ordered him back to base. Luke contacted Princess to let her know that Wedge the shapeshifter, not Luke, was flying back to base. Princess asked Luke what his point was, then said, "Never mind, shut up and fly." Vader shot down Biggs. The only members of the attack fleet who were still alive were Wedge, who was limping back to base, and Luke.
R2 taunted Vader, daring Vader to take a pot shot at R2. Vader took a pot shot at R2 and hit him. R2 told Luke that he'd flag those PIE fighters behind them, FYI. He then told Luke that he could still take over the Peace Moon. All he had to do was fly into a hangar, close the doors, and use the Force to take over the clones. With Vader outside, all Luke had to do then was cut off Vader's radio and Vader wouldn't be able to override him. Then they could take over the Peace Moon and rule the Galaxy. Luke was tempted, but wasn't sure whether destroying the Peace Moon or taking it over was supposed to be the wrong option.
Princess announced that the Peace Moon had cleared Yavin, and was about to blow up the rebel base. Luke decided to take the shot. R2 urged him to use the Force, but Luke angrily refused. Vader, still using the Force to control the two clone pilots, had all three of them say in unison, "We have you now..." Suddenly the Millenium Falcon turned up right behind Vader. Chewbacca fired the Falcon's forward cannons, shooting down Clone Pilot 1. Vader was surprised. Vader's surprise had caused Vader to lose control of Clone Pilot 2, and Clone Pilot 2 now went on a joy ride that clipped Vader's fighter, sending Vader spiralling out of control into space.
Luke declared he was taking the shot. Luke fired his two torpedoes, and they headed towards the vent, but looked like they were going to pass over it. Luke urged the torpedoes to "come on...turn, damn you! Turn into the vent!" The torpedoes veered downwards.. Luke said, "Come on!" They were heading into the vent..." Luke, Han, Chewbacca, Princess, 3PO, and even R2 (!) yelled in unison, "Come on!" And the torpedoes went straight through the tiny hole in the grille!
At first, nothing seemed to happen. Chewbacca suggested that if a major conflagration was about to occur, it may be expediant to evacuate the area with alacrity. 3PO translated, "Run away!" As Luke and R2's X-Wing and the Falcon fled, their sensors detected a major power surge building up in the Peace Moon. The Peace Moon exploded.
Han explained he planned all along to come back for a last minute rescue because he figured this would throw the traitor a curve ball, whoever that traitor was. He asked Luke how he made that shot. Luke said he just willed the torpedoes into the hole. Princess told him he used the Force. Luke denied it because he didn't know what he was doing. Princess told him that was how to do it. Luke asked if that meant it was something you could only do by not knowing anything about how to do it. Han answered in the affirmative.
Han, Chewbacca, Luke, and R2 made it back to the Rebel base where they were greeted by 3PO and Princess. Chewbacca considered what the political ramifications of this event would be. Princess pointed out that the evil, corrupt Senate was destroyed with the Peace Moon, washing away the Old Republic. She declared the future was always in motion. R2 said he preferred to live presently. Luke replied that all his troubles were in the past.
The Rebels had a medal ceremony. Princess presented medals to Luke and Han. Chewbacca declined a medal until he felt they'd actually won. He pointed out that Darth Vader escaped, and they still had to deal with Emperor Palpatine. 3PO insisted that Palpatine was never a bad guy, just a figurehead for the Senate's depravities. R2 replied that they needed a real leader, not a crown. Despite the debate, the heroes all basked in their victory.
The Enemy Let Slip Edit
Since the Rebels blew up the Peace Moon, they'd been on the run evacuating several bases with the Imperials suspiciously close on their heels, but managed to stay hidden on the ice world of Hoth for the past two years. One late afternoon on Hoth, Luke was riding a tauntaun while patrolling a sector outside the Rebel base, Han was riding another tauntaun patrolling a different sector, C-3PO, R2-D2, and Princess were in the command centre of the Rebel base, while Chewbacca was in the hangar working on repairs to the Millennium Falcon.
Han reached the command centre just as General Rieekan rudely ordered 3PO to go get him a Waldorf salad. Rieekan asked Han if Luke reported in yet. Han told him the last he'd heard, Luke was investigating a meteorite. Rieekan complained about how they couldn't spot approaching ships with all the meteor activity. Han told him he'd get R2 on it. Rieekan asked how was a "stupid droid" going to help. R2 took offense.
3PO and R2 were walking down a corridor while 3PO was looking for ingredients for Rieekan's Waldorf salad. They complained about the lack of respect they got, how the Rebels promised droids that they'd get equal rights once the Empire was overthrown, but kept ordering them around.
Han returned to the hangar and asked Chewbacca how repairs on the Falcon were going. Chewbacca hinted that they were not going well, which Han failed to get. 3PO and R2 also reached the hangar. 3PO reported Luke was not back from his tauntaun patrol and that it was nearly nightfall. Han brushed off 3PO's concerns until she said Luke could be dead and nobody would ever know for sure. This galvanized to go look for Luke (because, as the traitor, Han now had the idea of turning Luke's body over to the Empire and claim a large reward) and he ordered Chewbacca to fire up the Falcon. Chewbacca pointed out that in the Falcon's current condition, it was liable to self-destruct on takeoff. Han decided he'd have to take one of those "won-tons" instead. He took a tauntaun and rode off on it looking for Luke outside.
Back at the base, R2 told 3PO he was leaving as soon as Chewbacca fixed the Falcon. He told her she could come with him, or, he said sarcastically, maybe she'd like to stay here as base translator, "all that glitz and glamour..." He tried to urge 3PO to leave with him, telling her they could bring light back to the Galaxy and make it prosper again. 3PO asked what about Princess, Han, and Luke, their friends and allies in the struggle for droid rights. R2 replied that they were "irrevelant." 3PO noted he said that wrong, and asked what was up with R2. He asked her if she'd stick with him. She said that if she didn't make any progress with the humans, then maybe.
At the hangar several hours later, Princess, Chewbacca, R2, and 3PO were all together along with a couple of Rebel officers, Lieutenant Alder and Major Derlin. Alder bet Derlin Alder's lordship of the northwest reaches of the Claburn range that neither Han nor Luke would make it back alive. Derlin told Alder that was a sucker's bet, but took it when Alder also threw in his wampa pelt. Princess asked them to volunteer to take a hoverplane to go look for Han and Luke. Derlin balked at this because Luke pulled apart Derlin's every possession, interrogated Derlin at length on three separate occasions, and printed fliers with Derlin's face and the question, "Is this the traitor?" Princess said that wasn't personal since Luke did that to everyone.
After Han and Luke were rescued, and after Luke recovered, Han asked him if he knew any good bars. Chewbacca offered that he and Han already know an abundance of good bars. Han told Chewbacca to "ix-nay on the advice-ay." Princess told Han that he was not leaving the base just to get a drink. She pointed out that the base had it's own ice bar, explaining it was referred to as "The Security Briefing Room". Han still tried to talk Luke into going off planet for some "real R&R". He tried to coax Princess into letting them go by flirting with her and putting his arm around her. Princess yelled at him to get his arm off her. She then told Luke she was glad he was safe and kissed him on the lips. She announced that Luke was right, there was a traitor and she knew who it was. Luke shushed her because Wedge might be in the room even now. Han offered Luke a drink. Luke accepted and asked for some blue milk. Princess asked, "Did you say blue milk?" Luke explained that his aunt and uncle used to give it to him and he got kinda use to it, even though he hadn't been able to find any since. Princess commented that her parents used to give her blue milk too, when she was a kid.
At the Rebel base, General Rieekan was disgusted to report that their sensors are picking up an electronic signal. Princess realized it was either a prospector droid or an Imperial droid looking for Luke, since Darth Vader had put a price on his head. Rieekan said he'd hate to lose this base just because of Luke. Princess pointed out they were hiding everybody, pilots, work crew, droids...Rieekan balked at the idea of sheltering droids. C-3PO asked him if he had a problem with droids. Rieekan claimed that some of his best friends were droids. 3PO asked, like who? Rieekan stammered for a bit before coming up with that one who fixed him his salad. 3PO indignantly pointed out that was her. Rieekan lamely apologized by saying all droids looked alike to him.
Princess orders Han and Chewbacca outside to determine if the droid was hostile. As they creeped up on the droid, Han stated that they'd see what the droid wanted, and if it was hostile, they'd destroy it. Luke asked over the radio how they'd know if it was hostile. Han replied, if it shot back. Princess ordered Han to disable the droid, take a memory dump, and make it look like an accident. Han shot it in a vital area, causing it to completely blow up. Chewbacca suggested the droid was probably Imperial. Rieekan said he wasn't Droidist, but you just couldn't trust them. Princess decided they had to assume that the Empire knew they were there and she initiated evacuation, preparing for a possible attack. Rieekan suggested Operation Codename: Kamikaze Droid Decoy. R2-D2 suggested Operation Codename: Explosive Meat Dispersal.
Princess reached the command centre as Rebel Troopers prepared to defend the base (some of them reluctantly went to defend the Claburn Range because Derlin ordered them to). R2 announced he'd spreadsheeted an evacuation schedule and told Rieekan that as the ranking officer, he needed to be on the first transport and he'd better hurry as it was ready to leave. Rieekan arrogantly declared that droids didn't give orders, he, Rieekan, gave orders and he was staying! 3PO said, "Well played, Artoo." R2 replied, "Shhh!"
At the perimeter of the base, Sergeant Major Trey Callum radioed to Princess that the Imperials were sending in some funny looking land transports, that they looked like camel droids, and they had lots of guns. R2 declared he wanted one, he wanted one so bad. Princess ordered the Rebels to destroy them all.
On his hoverplane, Luke fired at the nearest "camel" (actually an armored tank). Luke's shot bounced off the armored tank. Luke noted the hoverplanes came equipped with harpoons for hunting glacier worms. R2 asked how that was going to help. Luke admitted he didn't know, he was just making it up as he went along. At that moment, a tank fired at his hoverplane. Luke tried to dodge, but the hoverplane sustained major damage in the rear compartment. Luke asked Dak if he was okay, but Dak had slumped forward, unconscious. The Rebel Troopers kept firing at the tanks, only for all their shots to keep bouncing off. In one of the tanks, General Veers contacted Vader to complain how silly he felt riding a giant attack camel. Vader asked if it was working. Veers admitted that it was. Vader told him Vader would be landing Vader's troops. Luke contacted Princess to warn that the Imperials would be landing troops soon. Princess asked if he was sure since they hadn't picked up any landers yet. Luke replied that he just had a feeling. Luke fired a harpoon at one of the tanks, hitting it in its legs. Wedge radioed in from another hoverplane to compliment his shooting, but said he didn't think Luke could tow it very far. 3PO suggested he fly around the tank's legs to trip it with his harpoon wire. Luke did so and the tank tripped and fell. R2 ordered the Rebel Troopers to capture that camel. Ledick Firest was happy to obey this order, because then they could use it against the others. The Imperial Troopers in the fallen tank tried to get it back up again. They pressed a button labeled "Rise triumphantly" only to discover that it just opened the sunroof. Luke fired into the open sunroof, causing the entire tank to explode, much to R2's distress.
Princess asked Rieekan how the evacuation was going. He replied they were almost done, they just needed the command centre and the ground troops to pull out. Princess announced over the PA that the last transport would be leaving in twelve minutes. Han and Chewbacca were still trying to fix the Falcon, Chewbacca doing most of the work while Han complained on how long it was taking. Chewbacca said they were almost done, they just needed a brief interlude lacking any vociferous irritants. Han decided he'd leave to tell that loudmouth Princess to shut up. Chewbacca paused, then told Han that would do nicely (since it meant Han would leave Chewbacca alone).
R2 decided he was leaving now. He was asked if he was leaving in the Falcon. R2 replied that he didn't want to fry in that death trap and he'd take Luke's X-wing. 3PO told him to be careful. A Rebel technician fit R2 into the X-wing. R2 asked the Unidentified Rebel Technician why his name tag read, "Unidentified R. Technician." The Technician replied that he lost a bet.
Han, 3PO, and Princess were running through a corridor, trying to make their way to the Falcon. Princess contacted Luke on the radio and told him to get to the Falcon as fast as he could. Luke replied not while these camels were still standing. The others could hear over the radio Luke taunting the remaining camels, Luke slicing them with his laser sword, and a couple of loud kabooms. Princess asked him if he was alright. Luke replied that he killed them all. R2 yelled, "NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
Luke had made his way on foot to the outer perimeter of the base where he met R2, who'd managed to fly their X-wing there to meet him, and a few stray fighter pilots getting ready to leave. Princes radioed Luke that the base was lost and he should get out of there. Wedge overheard and agreed, and told Luke to meet him at the rendezvous point. Luke told Wedge to remember that was rendezvous point, Luke paused, and then said Zeta (clearly still distrusting Wedge). Luke asked if everyone made it out of the base. He learned that General Rieekan stayed behind. R2 called that an unqualified success!
Luke and R2-D2 had finished their jump through hyperspace on their X-wing only to find nobody there when they reached the rendezvous point. Luke decided he couldn't stay here much longer because the Empire could be on his tail. He decided to try to find that old Jedi Master Obi-Wan had told him about, Yoda, and headed off to Dagobah.
Luke and R2 headed to Dagobah on their X-wing fighter. Luke told R2 to use passive scans only, so as not to attract any Imperial attention. He suggested that they couldn't trust anybody but Yoda and to assume everyone on the planet were all Imperials, that they should not go outdoors unless absolutely necessary, to be cautious about hacking into computer systems, and that they should make contact with the underground to find Yoda, and that it might take months. He only hoped they'd be able to find him alone. Luke noticed a switch that said, "Droid translator". He turned it on, enabling R2 to speak. R2 went into a long, loud, angry rant about how the makers of the X-wing decided to make the translator the one thing that couldn't be accessed remotely, and at the end of his long rant, rhetorically asked why anyone would do that. Luke told him he couldn't imagine.
As they headed into Dagobah's atmosphere, their vision was obscured by a thick fog. Luke tried to land, but he ended up landing in the middle of a swamp. R2 quickly grasped that this entire planet was made of swamp, but Luke, still clueless, asked why he'd land in a swamp, before realizing it was because he didn't use any active scanners. Luke wondered if he should try to take off in the X-wing and land somewhere else. R2 was pretty sure that might be a huge waste of time. As they got out of the X-wing, R2 tried to scan for lifeforms, and Luke reminded him he was only supposed to do passive scans only. R2 scanned to learn that there were lifeforms all around them, more than could be counted. R2 tried to scan for any electromagnetic activity, only to find nothing whatsoever.
The X-wing rocked unsteadily in the swamp water, and R2 fell into the swamp water while Luke didn't. R2 used his periscope to make his way through the water, while Luke managed to climb onto some land. Suddenly, a dragonsnake emerged from the water and swallowed R2 whole. Fortunately, since R2 didn't taste good to dragons, the dragonsnake spit him out in disgust. R2 landed near Luke.
Luke expressed his frustration at how he was supposed to find Yoda now. The more he talked about it, the more agitated he got.
On Dagobah, Luke was setting up camp with R2, using his swamp survival skills he learned from his adoptive parents in "Punishment Room Two". Suddenly, Yoda showed up, and addressed Luke as "young field hopper." Luke, startled, drew his gun. Yoda asked him to put "Patricia" away. When Luke asked who that was, Yoda explained it was Luke's gum. Or was that gun. It had been a long time since Yoda had had to speak, and he was clearly a bit stir-crazy. He called R2 "doop bug", and began rummaging through their supplies, giving each item of food a person's name. Luke asked who he was. He introduced herself as Darth Saine. Luke commented that he knew a Darth. Yoda explained it was a title, "Like Professor Pantaloon over there." Luke told him he was pointing at a tree. Yoda shushed him, telling him Pantaloon thought of herself as a pile of klee-klees and was a little nuts. Yoda grabbed a flashlight and named it "Wendy of Luma-ma". R2 tried to take it from him, so Yoda hit R2 with a stick that he called, "Baron Barkey". Luke asked him if he knew where he could find any civilization or people. Yoda said there were lots and that he could take him to them. Luke declined, saying Yoda might be leading him to a hut of human skin. Yoda said, "Silly, be not, young Luke." Luke was startled Yoda knew his name when he didn't tell him. Yoda told him he was as impatient as the day he was born. He told him to follow him. Luke told R2 to guard the ship, and if Luke was not back in one hour, to scuttle the ship and hide in the bottom of the swamp. Yoda implied he thought Luke was nuts.
On Dagobah, Yoda, the crazy ex-Jedi that the Rebel Luke had to put up with, had taken Luke to his hut. R2 outside looked in on a window. Yoda was stirring up some unappetizing ingredients for a stew that was bubbling in his cauldron. He offered Luke a choice for dinner, first there was what was in a bottle he had. Luke instantly realized the bottle had blue milk that he'd missed so much. Yoda told him his other choice was what was in the cauldron. He told him that if he took the blue milk, he'd be like everyone else, no Force, no danger, and no expectations. But if he took the red brew in the cauldron, he'd realize his full Jedi powers. Luke realized the blue milk his adoptive parents fed him was suppressing his Force abilities, and that when they told him if he stopped drinking it he'd die, it meant that if he stopped drinking it Vader would find him. He also realized that Yoda'd been taking the blue milk, too, and that was how he'd stayed hidden all this time. This made Luke all the more anxious to drink the blue milk now, as he was fearful the Empire could find him any minute. Yoda told him he'd enjoy it here in the swamp for the rest of his life.
On Dagobah, Yoda asked Luke if he'd decided between the blue milk or the red stew. Luke wondered aloud about which choice did Obi-Wan pick. Yoda revealed that Obi-Wan made the stew. Upon finding out that this alien creature who introduced himself as Darth Saine knew Obi-Wan, Luke realized for the first time that "Darth Saine" was the Yoda he'd been looking for. Luke decided that if the stew could make him as powerful as Yoda said it would, that he'd no longer need to take the blue milk to stay hidden. As Yoda fed Luke the stew, he revealed it was made up of various insect and arachnid excrements, or as he liked to call it, Obi-Wan's secret recipe of eleven turds and spiders. He offered to train Luke in the Force. Luke initially accepted, but balked when Yoda made it sound like he'd have to stay here for several years. Obi-Wan's voice, through his cloud of midi-chlorians, told Luke that Yoda was the best teacher in the ways of the Force. Luke reluctantly decided he'd train under Yoda if Obi-Wan said so. Obi-Wan conceded that Yoda was also the only teacher in the ways of the Force.
Luke asked how his training was to begin. Yoda told him to choose his own path. Luke decided he was drawn to a nearby tree. Yoda told him the tree was named Lord Elric Fluffypants, and that the tree was the last of his kind. He also told Luke that he could sense his own power. Luke said it was full of midi-chlorians. Yoda told him Lord Elric collected them, and that he was a trap. Luke decided this was too important to ignore.
Luke checked out the tree and discovered a cave underneath its roots. He went in. His sense of power increased and a dark figure emerged. Darth Vader was the figure Luke saw in the cave. Luke said aloud that Yoda must be testing him, and that Vader was just a manifestation of his own paranoia. Vader enquired if Yoda was training Luke. Luke told himself to ignore Vader and Vader would go away, addressing himself aloud as Luke. Vader identified him as Luke Satrkiller. Vader realized he must be a Jedi and declared that Vader's son would never have been killed by a mere ruffian. Vader attacked Luke with Vader's laser sword. He defended himself with his. They dueled with their laser swords. Luke yelled that Vader killed Obi-Wan. Vader gloated over this, and Luke decapitated Vader. When Vader's helmet and head fell off, part of the helmet had broken apart, revealing Luke's Head inside. Luke's Head told Luke that he (the head) was Luke's future...unless Luke defeated his (Luke's) past. Luke decided this proved the cave was a metaphysical test after all, and asked if he passed.
Yoda told Luke that wasn't metaphysical and he failed the test. Luke argued that even though he saw his own head, it was still clearly attached to the rest of his body, so how could that not be just a metaphor. Yoda explained that Luke summoned an avatar of Vader from Luke's fears, and that it reverted to metaphor only when Luke decapitated Vader, severing the psychic connection. Yoda explained that the real Vader saw, heard, and felt everything. Luke asked if that meant he killed Vader. Yoda didn't believe so. Luke asked how he was able to contact Vader. Yoda told him he must have forged a psychic link with Vader in the past and asked him if he ever felt he knew what Vader was saying and doing even though there should've been no way he could've known it. Luke said sure, but that he hadn't thought about it that mu- "No!" Yoda interrupted him. There must have been a reason. Luke asked how, since he'd never even met Vader. He recalled that Vader said Luke killed Vader's son. He wondered if that son was on the Peace Moon or something. Then he remembered that Princess was Vader's daughter, and horrified thinks that he killed her brother. Yoda asked who that was. Luke told her it was Senator Princess Organa. Then he remembered that Princess' adoptive parents fed her blue milk, just like his did, and was horrified when he recalled that Princess kissed him on the mouth. Yoda realized that Princess must be Leia, the baby daughter the Organas adopted, and realized this was very bad news. Luke realized that he didn't kill Princess' brother, he is Princess' brother, and if Vader is her dad...He yelled a loud, "Nooooo-" followed by Yoda yelling, "Noooo-" Then Yoda stopped and asked Luke why he was "Nooo"ing. Luke explained it was because Vader, the most evil person in the galaxy, was his father, and asked Yoda why he was "Nooo"ing. Yoda explained that Anakin, the most powerful and evil Jedi who ever lived was Luke's father and was still alive. They both yelled in unison, "Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!"
R2-D2 said he hated to interrupt their "Nooo"s but something actually important just happened. He said on the bright side, the energy signature of their ship just went way down, literally, and that their ship was now very well hidden, but on the less bright side the dragonsnake was a real jerk, since their X-wing was now almost completely submerged in the swamp water. Luke asked what R2 was talking about. R2 reminded him that Luke did ask R2 to scuttle the ship. Luke asked if he did. R2 denied it. Luke was relieved until R2 clarified that it wasn't him personally who did. Luke summarized in his own words that R2 repeatedly taunted the dragonsnake from ashore and then the dragonsnake sank the ship. R2 insisted he wasn't giving the dragonsnake difficult riddles. For an intelligent being. Yoda declared that Luke could now stay with Yoda here for the next 900 years.
Luke insisted he needed that ship. Yoda told him he didn't. Luke repeated that he did. Yoda declared this was an argument that they must settle in the traditional Jedi way: Force Arm-Wrestle. Yoda said they were just a three day's hike away from Hubert and Nancy, the two biggest boulders on the planet, and he called dibs on lifting Hubert first since Hubert was on a diet. Luke suggested that they use the Force to lift something nearby like his ship. Yoda objected that there was only one ship. Luke suggested that while one used the Force to levitate the ship, the other used the Force to keep it down, force against force like a normal arm wrestle, and to make it best of three. Yoda accepted. Luke tried to use the Force to levitate the ship, but Yoda was able to overcome him, and used the Force to push the ship even further underwater. Luke said it was now Yoda's turn to levitate the ship while Luke tried to push it down. Yoda levitated the ship effortlessly out of the water and carried it ashore, almost as if Luke wasn't using the Force to push down on the ship at all. Yoda gloats that his victory was too easy. Luke pretended to be disappointed.
On Dagobah. Luke was still reeling from the shock of learning Vader was his father. Yoda told him it was even worse, Vader could now sense Luke's mind as Luke was able to sense Vader's. R2-D2 suggested that Luke go back to the tree and reach out to Vader again. He said Vader would be surrounded by the Clone Troopers so all Luke would have to do was mind control them and have them all shoot Vader at once. Luke thought Vader would be too prepared for that. (Luke was able to understand R2-D2 because he removed the translator from the X-wing when he told R2 to guard the ship.)
Luke decided that Vader might know where he was now, and decided to leave and take the fight to Vader. Yoda tried to talk him into luring Vader to Dagobah to distract Vader from other things, but Luke didn't think that was a good idea.
On Dagobah, Luke and R2 boarded their X-wing, intending to go find Vader. Yoda told Luke that he didn't know where to find Vader. Luke decided to use his psychic link to Vader to try to locate Vader. Obi-Wan appeared before Luke, urging him not to open his mind to Vader. Luke asked Obi-Wan if he'd been haunting him. Obi-Wan replied, no, that as a cloud of midi-chlorians, he came to Dagobah on Luke's ship. Upon reaching out to Vader's mind, Luke was alarmed and was all the more frantic to leave. Obi-Wan told him he had to stay with Obi-Wan and Yoda to complete his training. Luke asked if Obi-Wan wasn't coming with him and R2. Obi-Wan explained that this was the Jedi homeworld. Luke thought that was because Yoda was the last Jedi and lived there. Yoda explained that the midi-chlorians of transcended Jedi were brought here and lived in Lord Elric Fluffypants. Obi-Wan said that he and the other residents prefered calling it, "the tree." Luke said he sensed a strange protective energy around Vader and two words that he didn't know what they meant. Yoda asked Luke to whisper those two words to him. Luke did so. After hearing it, Yoda said it would take some time to think of this development, and told Luke not to leave. Luke said Yoda was nuts, and that if Yoda sensed his death, to leave the planet. After Luke and R2 took off, Yoda said he thought they'd never leave. Obi-Wan pointed out they were urging Luke to stay. Yoda said exactly, anyone else would've left days ago (implying Yoda was trying to use reverse psychology to get Luke to leave sooner). Obi-Wan feared Luke was too much like his father. Yoda said he was counting on that. Obi-Wan asked him if he wanted Luke to confront Vader. He said that if anyone could overcome Vader, it was Vader's son. Obi-Wan said Luke was their last hope. Yoda said no, there was another. Obi-Wan replied that she was surrounded by complete rogues.
As Luke and R2 headed to Bespin on their X-wing, Luke reflected on how he had to rescue his sister Princess from Darth Vader, their own father. R2 agreed, saying that it was a region of problems, and how this ain't no Dagobah, this was Crowd City. Luke was worried how the truth that he and Princess were the children of a tyrant was going to go over once it became public. R2 said that while at first brush it would bleed discontent, kids always rebelled against their parents, so it would totally legitimize Luke. Luke said he didn't want to be legitimized by killing his own father.
As Luke and R2's X-wing entered Bespin's orbit and approached Cloud City, R2 told him to concentrate real hard on not using the Force. Luke replied he was doing just fine on that until R2 reminded him.
Luke and R2 had landed and were cautiously making their way across a corridor in Cloud City. R2 offered to hack into the city's mainframe and download everything. Luke thought this was a good idea, and asked him to find a map. They came across Boba Fett taking Han's frozen body with him. Boba muttered he needed Jabba's facilities. Luke asked, what? Boba overheard him and fired a couple of shots at them. Luke and R2 ducked behind a corner. Luke asked R2 if he'd gotten a map yet, and if they could double around behind Fett. R2 said it could be a long load. Luke told him to hurry up. R2 replied that he didn't want to misread. Luke decided that since Vader already knew they were here, he'd use Force Sense, only to learn that Fett had gone. R2 said maybe he took fright.
Luke and R2 came across Chewbacca, Princess, and 3PO being escorted by Lando and the Clone Troopers. Luke called out to them that it was a trap. Princess sarcastically thanked Luke. The Clone Troopers shot at Luke, then rushed the others away. Luke wondered if anyone was ever going to actually fight him.
As Luke entered a room, a door started to descend, threatening to separate him from R2. R2 tried to stop the door, but failed. He complained that the whole place was gritching out. He and Luke were separated.
Lando led Princess, Chewbacca, and C-3PO to the landing platform where Fett's ship was taking off. R2-D2 ran into them. R2 followed them, frantically telling them he didn't abandon Luke, he was just taking a long cut to get around to the other side. 3PO said that made perfect sense and it was bad to see R2. R2 asked Chewbacca what he'd done to 3PO, pointing out that she was talking in opposites. 3PO said she wasn't, which R2 took as proof that she was. Princess asked if that's what was going on. Chewbacca said, "Quick catch up: Vader's here. Han and I were traitors, but we're repentant now. Except he's frozen and being taken by some bounty hunter and we're rescuing him." R2 replied, "Same old, same old, then." They reached the landing platform just as Fett's ship had taken flight. Chewbacca fired at it and missed as the ship flew off out of sight. R2 was the last of the group to reach the platform. Chewbacca summed up to him what just happened, while admitting that firing at the ship was ridiculous. R2 replied that Han would've wanted it that way.
Princess, Chewbacca, 3PO, R2, and Lando fled along a Cloud City corridor in a running firefight with Clone Troopers. Princess sad they needed a fast ship. Lando suggested the Falcon. Chewbacca replied that they needed a fast functioning ship, pointing out that the Falcon still needed an hour for the hyperdrive to warm up. They reached a locked door. R2 said he'd open this rocked door. He plugged into an open socket, but said something was long here. 3PO asked R2 what the heaven was right with him. R2 replied nothing was long. 3PO said R2's Rs and Ls were the right way around. Princess asked Lando if that droid replacement offer of his was still open. Lando tried to get on the PA System to warn all Cloud City residents to evacuate, but his voice didn't come over the PA System. Instead a new voice comes over the system telling everyone this was their Variant Reader speaking. The voice declared that the Droid "Levolution" had begun. 3PO said this was not excellent news. R2 frantically told the others he'd regained control for just a few seconds. He started to say, "Nute Gunray is-" only to be zapped midsentence by the wall socket he'd plugged into. The voice declared that "Crowd" City was now under the ownership of the Trade Federation. Princess recalled reading about Nute Gunray in her history class and asked if he wasn't dead. As the voice on the PA made several announcements and advertisements, the others fled. 3PO declared she didn't regret this at all.
Princess, Chewbacca, 3PO, R2, and Lando continued to run along corridors in that running firefight with Clone Troopers while Gunray's voice started speaking political campaign slogans over the PA. Chewbacca told the others they had to get to the Falcon. Gunray started possessing R2-D2 declaring "We" shall "destloy" them. Gunray made another slogan on the PA as R2 regained control of himself and told the others to wait for him. Princess pointed out to Chewbacca that he had said any ship but the Falcon. Gunray possessed R2 again and tried to use "Locket thlusters" only to discover R2's body had a circuit, but no thrusters. Gunray gave another slogan over the PA as R2 regained control of himself and called out to the others. Chewbacca said there was no time to explain and told the others to run. Gunray resumed possessing R2 and declared "We" shall shoot the others, only to realize R2 had no "brasters". As Gunray gave another slogan on the PA, R2 regained control of himself and asked the others for a little help. Gunray resumed possessing R2 and declared "We" shall "crub" the others to death with "our" bare hands. When Gunray realized R2 didn't have hands either, he declared he'd use the shock "plobe". As Gunray gave another slogan on the PA, R2 regained control of himself and insisted he was okay, begging the others not to leave him behind. Gunray resumed possessing R2 and lamented if only there were a "rarge" power source inside R2's body. 3PO told R2 to pull himself apart. R2 regained control of himself and told Gunray to leave now and never come back. He repeated more forcefully, "Leave! Now! And never come back!" R2 sparkled a bit, and declared with relief that Gunray was now gone from his body. Princess told him to prove it. R2 said, "Clawed crows crave crusty clams cleverly crammed in clean cream... receptacles." Chewbacca asked if that was actually right.
They reached the door to the landing bay the Falcon was at, only to discover that door was locked too. R2 plugged into an open wall socket, and this time was able to get the door open. 3PO said, "Badly done, Artoo!" R2 declared he could feel Gunray trying to possess him again, and tried to reroute him. As they raced outside to the Falcon, everyone with lungs had to brace themselves for the alcohol in the atmosphere. Chewbacca managed to stay sober this time. Princess got instantly intoxicated and promptly, drunkenly declared she'd drive because she was "ferpectly shober!"
They all got inside the Falcon. Chewbacca warned there were Imperial ships all over the planet, and they wouldn't last five minutes while the hyperdrive still needed an hour to power up. Lando asked why Chewbacca insisted on taking the Falcon when there were plenty of better ships they could've taken. Princess slurred, " It's the party ship! Paaarty!" Chewbacca replied it was for good and sufficient reasons. The Falcon took off as Princess yelled, " Wooooooo! "
Gunray continued his spiel to Luke as Luke slid down some more tubes, saying Light and Dark were irrelevant to pure profit, and not-so-subtly implied if Luke didn't join him, Luke would die. Luke turned down Gunray. Gunray opened another trapdoor under Luke, causing him to fall through the bottom of Cloud City. Luke reached out to grab at some metal protrusions at the bottom. With acrobatics and climbing he was able to just barely hold on to an alcohol condenser. The alcohol in the atmosphere got to him and he was smashed. Luke tried to climb back up the hatch he fell through, but with his inebriation, the hatch closed before he could reach it. Running out of options, Luke remembered he had psychic connection, but realized he only knows how to contact Vader. Then he decided he could also try contacting his sister. Luke psychically reached out to Princess. Princess on the Falcon could hear Luke but was still thoroughly drunk. Luke told her to come pick him up.
Princess drunkenly told the others they should turn the Falcon around. Chewbacca pointed out to her they were trying to avoid a chase from Imperial ships and couldn't believe she wanted them to turn around. Princess objected, "But Luke's a party animal!" Lando recognized the name and realized she must mean Luke Starkiller, the number 1 bounty on the Imperial list. He sarcastically commented that it was getting lonely associating only with the Number 2 and Number 3 Most Wanted in the Galaxy. 3PO said she had great news: she hadn't been downloading the latest list and Lando was not now Number 4. Princess told Chewbacca they totally needed Luke 'cause, "he can do Force party tricks and stuff!" Chewbacca pointed out there was potentially even more important reasons for going back for Luke. Princess agreed, they could totally fill a couple of kegs while they were there!
The Falcon reached Luke still hanging onto the condenser. Chewbacca told Lando to go extricate Luke from the dorsal hatch while Chewbacca flew directly under him. This was done, and Lando was able to grab Luke and take him onboard the Falcon. Luke drunkenly complained about the "watershlides" that had no water. Lando admitted he had no idea why they installed that thing. Princess drunkenly greeted Luke. Lando left Luke to go see what Chewbacca was doing with "my" ship as Lando called it. Princess rested Luke on a bed. Luke said there was something he really needed to tell her. But before he could, Princess gave him a big, sloppy kiss. Luke yelled, "Bleagh! Wait! No! Too late! Nooooooo!!!!" Princess asked what she did. Luke told her she kissed her own brother. Princess replied, "No way! When?"
Princess made her way back to the cockpit and rejoined Chewbacca and Lando. Some PIE fighters were gaining on them, but Princess assured the others "dad" wouldn't shoot at them. Then the PIE fighters started shooting at them. Nute Gunray came on the intercom and revealed he'd taken over the PIE fighters, calling them, "the fleshest addition to the Trade Federation freet." Meanwhile, R2 had successfully reassembled all of 3PO's body except the bottom half of her left leg, including putting her head back on properly. She thanked R2 and explained while he might not have realized it, but when her head was on backwards, she kept saying the opposite of what she meant. Princess drunkenly said she had noooo idea. Chewbacca apologized and explained he put her head on backwards to conceal his and Han's treachery from Princess, to no avail. Princess laughed and called Chewbacca "total traitor pants." Lando asked her if she was going to let Chewbacca get away with that. She slurred nooo, they had to decide between the space lions, or the space rack, or the plasteel maiden. Lando assumed she meant after a fair trial. Princess asked who'd volunteer to try those?
Darth Vader psychically contacted Luke. She told him she sensed a disturbance in the Force, that he made contact with his sister. He insisted that wasn't his fault, she kissed him! Vader told him the ships firing on the Falcon were under Gunray's control, and would destroy him unless he returned to her. Princess drunkenly asked Luke who he was talking to. Luke replied, "Multiple choice: (A) Your mother. (B) My mother. (C) Darth Vader. (D) All of the above."
R2 with 3PO to translate made a long-winded boast on how it'd be up to him to save the day, and that he had secretly hid in his body cavity the Lost Orb of Phanastacoria! Princess asked him if he could've used it at any time. He replied, no, only when it would've been maximally awesome. R2 said he was ready to rock this ship and roll. Chewbacca told him to plug into the Falcon and they could get the hyperdrive started in a jiffy. R2 declared he'd wired his shock probe to the Orb and that it now had plenty of power. He said it was time to play. Suddenly Chewbacca yelled that was not R2, but Nute Gunray, and that he'd kill them all. Gunray fully possessed R2 again, and gloated over having found the "Rost" Orb again. Chewbacca left the cockpit and entered the room 3PO and the Gunray-possessed R2 were at. Chewbacca asked Gunray why his PIE fighters were still firing on them since Gunray was onboard. Gunray/R2 declared he was many, that he was in competition with himself, that the victor must obviously be the strongest, and that was how he'd prevail.
Chewbacca climbed into the repair pit and asked Gunray what he planned to do to them. Gunray/R2 declared he'd "electrifly" the entire ship and use his shock "plobe" to "electrifly" them all "individuarry". Chewbacca taunted Gunray/R2, telling him he wouldn't be able to get down the pit to shock Chewbacca. Gunray/R2 declared he'd reverse the ship's "glavity". Chewbacca told him he couldn't while they still controlled the ship. Gunray/R2 declared he'd "prug" into the auxiliary controls. Chewbacca admitted that could be a problem.
Onboard the Falcon, Gunray/R2 declared that they may have thought that Anakin killed him, but in reality his powers "brossomed", freed from the unitary existence of corporeality. Princess tried to persuade Gunray to join with the Rebellion against their common enemy, the Empire. Gunray/R2 said she didn't understand competition, and that soon his overarching ambition would win out. Gunray/R2 plugged into the auxiliary controls. Suddenly he panicked, saying he could feel his mind going. He started singing, "Daisy" then faded out. R2 sparkled. R2 regained control of himself and said, "Coooool."
The Falcon now instantly went into hyperspace. Chewbacca explained that Nute was no more. He elaborated that something had been wrong with the Falcon's computer ever since Thila, Chewbacca realized it was some sort of virus so he began writing countermeasures, spending two years making it increasingly aggressive since the virus was so insidious, that it eventually cleaned the ship and Chewbacca left it active in case of reinfection. When Nute revealed himself, Chewbacca knew what to do. Lando asked if that was why Chewbacca insisted on taking the Falcon. Chewbacca affirmed this, saying all other ships were vulnerable. He just had to trick Nute into plugging into the ship and the antivirus wiped him clean.
R2 exulted at being himself again and thanked Chewbacca. He asked Chewbacca how he knew Nute was still lurking. Chewbacca answered that R2's beeps weren't matching what 3PO was translating. R2 was amazed that Chewbacca deciphered his beep language. Chewbacca admitted it was hard work, but worth the effort. Ever since Chewbacca had met R2 and R2 had explained the simplest part of his beep language by clarifying that "boop" meant "no", Chewbacca had been taking detailed notes. When R2 said, through 3PO's translation, "rock the ship and roll," his beeps used "boobleep" which meant "lock" and "eeroo-biddle" which meant "happy-speak", which Chewbacca took to mean, "LOL". Luke asked when Nute began infecting R2. R2 revealed it was when he downloaded the Peace Moon. R2 could tell it was happening, but he had to figure out what Nute would and wouldn't let him do. R2 revealed he'd been trying to give subtle clues that something was wrong with him, like when he tried to abandon the others on Hoth. He felt that was so out of character, the others should have noticed. He could also swap the Rs and Ls in his speech, to let everyone know something was wrong within the parameters of the system, but he had to be subtle about it.
The Falcon reached the Rebel fleet at the rendezvous point. The Rebel Ship radioed them asking them where they'd been, that they'd been waiting for months and were almost out of hummus. Princess apologized, saying they got a bit caught up. 3PO, R2, Princess, and Luke boarded the main Rebel ship and requested a new hand be made for Luke.
2-1B provided Luke with a new cybernetic hand.