Co-pilot of the Millenium Falcon
Revelation of the Sith Edit
Obi-Wan told Yoda and Mace Windu that he was going to Utapau to track down General Grievous. Yoda revealed that an even greater force of the Trade Federation than the one invading Naboo was attacking the planet, Kashyyyk, and that he was going to go aid the Wookies. Obi-Wan asked Mace Windu if this planet was really that strategically important. Windu called it an ancient renowned planet but was otherwise completely clueless about it. He told Yoda to go check it out.
Yoda had fortified his forces on Kashyyyk for what he felt was a perfect, impregnable defense. But then the Wookies abandoned the plan and charged the droid armies.
At the Jedi Council chamber, Anakin and Mace Windu contacted Yoda on Kashyyyk and Commander Cody on Utapau. Yoda reported that the Wookies won the battle. Cody reported on what Obi-Wan had found out, including that Nute Gunray claimed he had sleeper agents in the Republic. Anakin tried to hint to Windu that Palpatine could be a Sith lord, but Windu was too dim to get it. Anakin left the Jedi Council chamber.
Anakin approached Mace Windu while he was contacting Yoda. He asked him if he ever dreamed of death. Windu replied that he never remembered his dreams. Anakin told him how he dreamed of Padme dying, and claimed that he saw a Sith lord killing her. He hinted that the Sith lord was Palpatine, but Windu failed to get the hints and decided that meant the entire Jedi Council were Sith lords. Then Yoda exclaimed that Palpatine was going to kill Padme. Now Windu finally got it, and after a long pause, decided to arrest Palpatine. He asked Anakin to come along, but after a long pause, Anakin claimed that he had to wash his hair. Windu decided that was a perfectly acceptable and legitimate reason not to come, and went off to confront Palpatine.
All across the Galaxy, Clone Troopers approached their Jedi, politely offered their apologies, then unhesitatingly slaughtered their Jedi. Yoda felt a great disturbance in the Force as the Jedi died.
Two Clone Troopers approached Yoda to offer their apologies. Yoda leaped over them and decapitated both of them with his laser sword. Yoda decided to go back to Coruscant.
Yoda tried to urge the Wookies to change sides and join the Federation droids to fight the clones, but the Wookies refused. All but one Wookie, Chewbacca who was still Yoda's friend and would continue to help him. This made Chewbacca an outcast among the Wookies. Yoda told Chewbacca to run away and never look back, as he left Kashyyyk on his spaceship.
A New Generation Edit
19 years later, Obi-Wan took Luke, 3PO, and R2 to a cantina to try to find a pilot to take them to Naboo. Obi-Wan talked to BoShek who reccomended he talk to a Wookie. The Wookie was Chewbacca, the Wookie Yoda had talked to 19 years earlier on Kashyyyk. But before Obi-Wan could talk to Chewbacca, Wuher, the bartender, ordered R2 out of the cantina because he was on their blacklist, due to R2 having a bad reputation. 3PO volunteered to wait outside with R2, and they left.
Luke walked up to the bar and ordered a blue milk, but Wuher had never heard of anything so ridiculous, and told him they only served whiskey, so Luke had that instead. Obi-Wan talked to Chewbacca, telling him they needed a fast ship to Naboo. Chewbacca waxed poetic about Naboo, and Obi-Wan could tell by his eloquence that Chewbacca was a man of exquisite refinement.
Luke tried to strike up a conversation with the alien sitting next to him, Ponda Baba, about moisture farming, but Baba took immedeate offense at hearing such nonsense. Baba's friend, Doctor Evazan was equally offended. Luke tried to explain to them that he really was a moisture farmer, but that only made them angrier. Luke tried to change the subject by asking if they had any blue milk, which really infuriated them, Evazan telling Corey he'd be dead. Ponda drew a blaster, but Obi-Wan stepped forward and sliced off Ponda's arm with his laser sword. Ponda asked what Obi-Wan did that for, Ponda was only messing with the kid, and now it'd take hours for his arm to grow back. Ponda then admitted that he was just kidding, that his arm was actually gone forever. And it hurt a lot.
Chewbacca introduced Obi-Wan and Luke to Greedo. Greedo spoke with a thick, Space Italian accent. Obi-Wan repeated his request of a fast ship to Naboo and no questions asked, but Greedo, with his stereotypical Italian, phrased nearly everything he said in the form of a question. Obi-Wan played this to his advantage, offering Greedo and Chewbacca payment in two thousand credits now, plus fifteen thousand more when they reached Naboo, minus one thousand for each additional question. Greedo, still phrasing nearly everything he said as a question, inadvertently reduced the price from seventeen thousand total to thirteen thousand. Some Troopers entered the cantina, and Obi-Wan and Luke sneaked out the back door. It turned out that these Troopers had spotted Luke's hovercar, but the only reason they were interested was to inform the owner that one of the taillights was broken. Greedo and Chewbacca realized they needed to get themselves a ship.
Obi-Wan, Luke, R2, and 3PO met Greedo and Chewbacca at the Millenium Falcon (which Greedo had just stolen after murdering the real Han Solo). Greedo announced that he just found out he was adopted and that his real name was Han Solo. When Luke asked him what happened to his accent, Han (as Greedo will be called from now on) only replied, "What accent?" Everyone except Han had gone onboard, when suddenly Garindan led a squad of Troopers into the spaceport, ordering the Troopers to stop them. Han fired on them and rushed onboard. He asked which way to the bridge. Obi-Wan pointed out the trail of duct tape labled, "This way to the bridge". Han and Chewbacca desperately tried to get the Falcon started, which neither of them had ever been on board before, while trying to pretend to the others that they know all about flying it. Somehow they managed to get the Falcon in orbit, but they were approached by two Imperial Star Destroyers who began firing on them. Through trial and error (including Han frantically mashing on every control he could get his hands on) they were finally able to get the Falcon safely into hyperspace.
While onboard the Falcon, Obi-Wan decided to train Luke in the use of the Force. Luke drew his laser sword, but was feeling a bit nervous holding such a dangerous weapon.
At the same time Luke was training, R2-D2 was playing a holographic RPG with Chewbacca. R2's holographic PC double crossed and killed Chewbacca's holographic PC and looted its body. But Chewbacca anticipated R2 would do this, and placed in his PC's coin purse a cursed item that depleted R2's PC's combat stats. Chewbacca smugly informed R2 he'd have to pay to get Chewbacca's PC resurrected.
To train Luke, Obi-Wan had a practice drone fire lasers at Luke to deflect with his laser sword. Luke tried, but failed, getting hit. Obi-Wan gave Luke a helmet to wear that covered his eyes, telling Luke it would protect his face from the laser sword. Obi-Wan told Luke to trust his instincts, and use the Force to anticipate where the laser blasts would come from. Luke now successfully deflected the laser blasts...which ended up hitting Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan just shrugged it off. The Falcon then reached where Naboo used to be.
The Falcon left hyperspace, but where Naboo should've been there was only an asteroid field. Obi-Wan suggested that maybe Han didn't use the right controls, but Chewbacca verified that this was where Naboo was supposed to be, but that some tragedy must have destroyed the whole planet. 3PO and R2 recalled all the good people they knew who would've perished in Naboo's destruction. Han was ecstatic, it turned out he used the right controls after all. Obi-Wan declared that Naboo's destruction could only have been a deliberate act of War. Chewbacca noted there was a short range fighter ahead of them. Han called that fighter a mass murderer and chased the Falcon after it. Luke noted that the fighter was headed into a big space station. Obi-Wan replied that that was no space station, that was the Peace Moon. Han flew the Falcon straight into the Peace Moon's docking bay, because he figured that was the last thing the enemy would expect.
Darth Vader ordered the Falcon to be torn apart. The Clone Troopers had no idea how they were supposed to tear apart the Falcon, but they noticed all the duct tape inside the ship and removed it. Assuming this would cause the Falcon to fall apart in a matter of time, they left. After they left, Han, Obi-Wan, 3PO, R2, Luke, and Chewbacca emerged from their hiding places in secret compartments. Han declared that he had a plan.
Outside the Falcon, two Troopers were left standing guard of it, when the two-member Welcoming Crew arrived with a package of leis, champagne, and space-pineapple juice for the non-drinkers. They came onboard and were promptly dispatched by Han and Luke. Han called out to the two Troopers to come onboard and enjoy the champagne. They came onboard and were also dispatched.
In the control station overlooking the docking bay, Pol Treidum noticed the Troopers were no longer guarding the Falcon, until he saw Luke disguised as a Clone Trooper emerge from the Falcon. Treidum was angry because he thought they started the Welcoming Party without him. He opened the station door, only to be confronted by Han disguised as a Clone Trooper and Chewbacca. Treidum was delighted to see Chewbacca because he thought it meant they'd sent him a Wookie-gram and said so. Chewbacca was so enraged at being called a Wookie-gram, that he punched Treidum, knocking him down.
Han shot the other officer in the station and let in Obi-Wan, 3PO, R2, and Luke. He declared it was time for the next part of his plan, where they sprayed pheromones on the flowers in the leis he and Luke were wearing. Luke pointed out that Han had them put on the leis before putting on the Clone Trooper armor. Han decided they'd have to spray the pheromones on their armor. It turned out they had no pheromones. R2 plugged into an access port, which set off an alarm. R2 shut it off, but that triggered the alarm tampering alarm. As R2 tried to shut that off, the excess noise feedback level alarm kicked in. R2 tried to shut them all down, but 4 alarms were loudly sounding at once. On the bright side, R2 was able to locate the holding cell where Princess was being kept, and noted she was scheduled to be tortured. Luke and 3PO wanted to rescue her, while R2 wanted to retrieve the Lost Orb of Phanastacoria. Han declared they'd just have to split the party.
R2 finally shut down all the alarms, and they decided what to do. Obi-Wan decided that he'd rescue Princess by walking up to the Clone Troopers and use his Force powers to order them to hand her over to him. 3PO and R2 decided they'd get the Lost Orb. Luke decided that he, Han, and Chewbacca would stay there and man the station. Han said these were all good suggestions, but he had a better idea. Luke decided it'd be okay to tweak the plan just a little. Han smiled.
By the time Han was through, Obi-Wan had reluctantly agreed to go get the Orb by himself...somehow, 3PO and R2 had reluctantly agreed to guard the ship...somehow, and Luke had agreed that he, Han, and Chewbacca would go rescue Princess. Nobody was too enthused by this plan except Han. So he told them what he thought was the best part of the plan: he, Luke, and Chewbacca would be going to Princess' holding cell in handcuffs. On that inspiring note, Obi-Wan decided he should now leave the station to get the Orb. He told Luke to be careful with his laser sword. Luke asked Obi-Wan to give him the helmet to protect himself. Obi-Wan admitted that he only told Luke the helmet would protect him to build his confidence; in reality, the laser sword could cut through that helmet like warm butter. Obi-Wan left the station. Han ordered Luke and Chewbacca to put on their handcuffs with him. It turned out they had only one pair of handcuffs. Han decided that he should be the one wearing them. Luke pointed out they should be put on Chewbacca, since he was the only one not disguised as a Clone Trooper. Chewbacca politely declined, but Han pointed out that without the handcuffs, everyone would think Chewbacca was a Wookie-gram. Chewbacca reluctantly consented. As Han put the handcuffs on Chewbacca, Chewbacca asked Han not to lose the key this time. Han didn't even seem to know that there was a key.
Han, Luke, and Chewbacca went off to rescue Princess, with Han and Luke still disguised as Clone Troopers and Chewbacca in handcuffs. They walked up to a couple of Officers who could tell they were not real Clone Troopers, and started to question them. Han fumbled an answer, and Luke suggested adding a "Sir". Han interpreted that to mean he should try to pull rank on the Officers and did so. The Officers were convinced that Han and Luke were Senior Officers dressed as Clone Troopers for a costume party. They genuflected to Han and Luke, and let them pass.
Han, Luke, and Chewbacca boarded an elevator to the holding cells, where Chewbacca loosened his handcuffs. They reached the holding cells, where they were met by Lieutenant Shann Childsen, who referred to Chewbacca as a Wookie-gram. Chewbacca was so enraged by this, he punched Childsen, knocking him down. Han started to shoot the other guards there, but Chewbacca, still enraged, shot most of them. Han discovered which cell Princess was being held in and told Luke to go there while he tried to bluff an Intercom Voice. Han accidentally turned on the PA and was heard all over the Peace Moon saying that everything was fine, there was just a slight weapons malfunction. The Intercom Voice said they were sending a squad up. Han told them not to saying (again heard all over the Peace Moon) that there was a major radioactive leak, making it too dangerous to come. The Intercom Voice demanded to know who this was. Han decided to just shoot the intercom. Luke opened Princess' cell door and took off his Clone Trooper helmet. He told her his name was Luke Amidala and that he was there to rescue her. Princess displayed a lot of skepticism until Luke asked her if she wanted to be resuced or not.
Darth Vader was alone with Tarkin when the PA System kicked in giving a confused report on whether clones or senior officers had started shooting other officers. Vader turned on the PA and instructed clones to not shoot other officers. The PA System then announced that the shooters were intruders and that clones should protect the visiting tourists from the intruders.
Clone Troopers started to enter the holding cells area. Han and Chewbacca started shooting them and retreated further into the cells, where they met up with Luke and Princess. Luke contacted C-3PO and asked if there was another way out of there besides from where they came. 3PO told him they were near a chute. Luke asked if it was safe. 3PO started to say that R2-D2 said it was safe, then Princess grabbed a blaster and shot the chute open, jumping right through it. 3PO finished by saying that R2 meant it was safe for droids. Han ordered Chewbacca to jump in, and he reluctantly did so. Luke decided to trick the Troopers by yelling for R2 to teleport them out of there, then jumped through the chute. Han followed, but wondered what happened to the teleport.
Princess, Luke, Han, and Chewbacca landed in a horribly stinking chamber with metal shards all about them, and the floor ankle deep with water. R2 informed them that they should be in the compost bin of the memorial gardens. Jim shot the door, but the blast ricocheted all over the room. Something brushed past their legs. 3PO declared it was a dianoga, a giant Naboo earthworm, with a big eye on a stalk. The dianoga grabbed Luke and dragged him underwater. 3PO insisted they couldn't kill it because as a Naboo native, it was now the last of its kind. She implored R2 to do something, so R2 turned on the compactor. The walls started closing in, and the dianoga released Luke, who emerged from the water. The walls kept closing in. R2 tried several times to stop it, but the walls continued to close in. Han asked Luke if he was alright. Luke replied he was, because he was able to use his underwater oxygen extraction apparatus. Han told him to use his laser sword to cut a hole in the walls, but Luke refused, not trusting his laser sword. Instead, he suggested they try bracing the wall. Han thought that was a great idea, but Princess thought that was crazy and demanded that Luke either use the laser sword or give it to her. Luke told her that they were already facing solid steel walls and asked if she'd rather they were molten steel. Princess decided to help with the bracing.
3PO and R2 were out in the hangar in sight of the Falcon, and reestablished contact with Han, Princess, Luke, and Chewbacca who were still trapped in the composter with the walls closing in. R2 began to wonder if maybe this was because at the same time he'd been trying to shut down the composter, he'd been downloading the entire data on the Peace Moon in hopes of gaining control of it. All R2's efforts to shut down the composter failed. Han took charge of the bracing, and calculated where precisely to place each metal shard they'd got that would brace the walls, keeping them from closing in. The composter grinded to a halt.
Han, Princess, Luke, and Chewbacca had made it out of the composter. Han decided he and Luke should take off their Clone Trooper armor so they could disguise themselves as those intruders the PA System had mentioned earlier. He fired one last blast into the composter causing another wild ricochet. Princess told Han to stop shooting first all the time. She addressed Luke by the name he gave her, "Luke Amidala" and asked if he was any relation to Senator Amidala. Luke recalled that Obi-Wan told him his mother's name was Padme. Princess was able to deduce from that that Luke was the child of Anakin and Padmé Amidala, making him a Force user. She warned him that if the Empire ever found out who he was, he'd be toast. Luke remembered he was supposed to be using his alias, "Luke Starkiller" from then on. R2 tried to guide them with descriptions of gardens that didn't match the metal corridors, while Han argued with Princess on why, as Han, he must always shoot first.
Han, Princess, Luke, and Chewbacca had reached a corridor with a window overlooking the hangar where the Falcon was landed. Han pointed out the Falcon to Princess. She was able to point out all sorts of dangerous design flaws on it, especially the lightspeed generator. She explained that her late father, Bail Organa, used to teach her about "hot rods" before his death. Han (and R2) thought the fact that the Falcon was dangerous to fly only made it more awesome. They ran into a small squad of Clone Troopers. Han shot one. Luke told him to shoot again, but Han was out of ammo. Han charged the squad and they retreated. Han ordered Chewbacca to follow him, and he reluctantly did so.
Han and Chewbacca chased the small squad into a room where the squad was joined by a much bigger squad of Clone Troopers. Han retreated, but not before grabbing a new blaster, which he fired back at the Clone Troopers as he and Chewbacca retreated.
Han and Chewbacca were still retreating from the Clone Troopers. A type of sliding door started closing ahead of them. They were able to leap through the closing gap before it closed up completely, safely sealing them off from the Troopers.
Darth Vader confronted Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan addressed Vader as Anakin. Vader replied that Anakin was dead and that Obi-Wan killed the one Vader loved. They began to duel with their laser swords. Vader boasted that Vader'd found Vader's daughter and now Vader only needed to find Vader's son. Obi-Wan lied to Vader, claiming Vader's son was dead. Vader was able to sense that Obi-Wan was concealing something from Vader, and was able to sense from him the name, Starkiller. Obi-Wan told Vader that was the name of Vader's son's murderer, a ruffian who betrayed and murdered Vader's son and took his name. Vader determined that the name of Vader's son's killer must then be Luke Starkiller, and vowed to avenge Vader's son by tracking down Luke Starkiller and killing him. Obi-Wan realized he'd just made things more difficult for Luke.
Princess and Luke reunited with Han and Chewbacca, just outside the hangar. R2 and 3PO were on the opposite side of the hangar. Everyone agreed they should try to make their way to the Falcon and escape except R2, who wanted to get the Orb. When 3PO started to head for the Falcon, R2 reluctantly went with her.
Vader and Obi-Wan continued to duel. Obi-Wan told Vader that Obi-Wan knew Vader was using the Force to control the Clone Troopers, and without Vader's malevolent influence, they'd be harmless. Their duel had led them to an open corridor next to the Falcon, which distracted the Troopers guarding the Falcon, who rushed over to get a better look at the fight.
Princess, Luke, Han, Chewbacca, R2, and 3PO noticed the Troopers leaving their post at the Falcon. They started to make their way to the Falcon when they saw what had distracted the Troopers. Vader continued dueling Obi-Wan. Princess addressed Vader as dad and told Vader to stop embarrassing her. Han thought this must mean Obi-Wan was her dad. Vader ordered the clones to shoot Obi-Wan's friends. Obi-Wan used Force Persuade to tell the clones not to. The clones obeyed him. Vader attacked with Force Disintegrate. Knowing there was no way he could beat that after being distracted from taking over the clones, Obi-Wan just let Vader strike him with Vader's laser sword, killing Obi-Wan and disintegrating his body. Luke was horrified. Vader ordered the clones to attack them, and left. Luke shot the Troopers in a blind rage. Princess urged Luke to get on the Falcon. They along with Han, R2, 3PO, and Chewbacca made it back into the Falcon. Chewbacca informed Han that since the Falcon was facing the hangar, Han would need to get it into reverse. Han pulled a random switch that luckily happened to be reverse, and the Falcon escaped the Peace Moon.
Onboard the Falcon, Luke was mourning the loss of Obi-Wan, and questioned what he was even doing there. Princess was so disgusted by his self-pity, she insulted and berated him, telling him he ought to join the Rebellion because he had as much reason to hate the Empire as anyone, after all, because of the Empire, Luke's dad Anakin turned evil and murdered his mother. Luke pointed out that Obi-Wan killed Anakin, and Princess agreed. She pointed out that her dad was evil, too, going out destroying innocent planets. Princess told him the Rebellion needed him since he had Force powers. Luke asked what good was the Force since it clearly didn't help Obi-Wan. Princess called him a sniveling nerf-herder. Princess continued to berate Luke. Luke angrily retorted that he just found out he'd been lied to his entire life and that every person he'd known for longer than two days was now dead. C-3PO took offense to that, pointing out that droids were people too.
Han interrupted to ask if anybody could man the rear gun pod, because they had an enemy fighter situation. Luke decided he could still shoot stuff, and went to the rear gun pod as Han went to the other gun pod. Princess joined Chewbacca at the bridge, still expressing disgust that Luke was too scared to use the Force. She also lamented the loss of Obi-Wan, the last Jedi, stating he was their only hope. Chewbacca replied, no, there was another. He explained that Yoda was another Jedi who survived the clones' Jedi massacre and was still alive. He revealed how Yoda sabotaged his standing among his fellow Wookies, and then abandoned him on Kashyyyk, forcing Chewbacca to make his own way by becoming a rogue with Han. Princess exclaimed, "Man, what a freaking muppet."
The Falcon was being pursued by 4 enemy PIE fighters. Han started firing at them. 3PO asked what she could do. Han ordered her to get him hot chocolate with white marshmallows, no pink ones. 3PO angrily told him that droids weren't slaves, and since she and R2-D2 were among those who hired him, they were his boss. Han asked if she'd like white or pink marshmallows. 3PO told him to just shoot the fighters.
The PIE fighters started firing on the Falcon, scoring a major hit, causing a fire that R2 tried to put out with his own built in extinguisher. The PIE fighters scored another major hit.
Han fired at a PIE fighter on full auto with maximum spread and scored zero hits. Luke calculated the moment a PIE fighter would line up to his line of fire, and destroyed it on his first shot. The same thing happens with the next 2 PIE fighters: Han fired multiple times and missed with all of them, while Luke destroyed each fighter on his first hit for each. Finally, Han just let Luke take out the last one by himself, which Luke did, again on the first hit. Princess yelled, "We're alive! Suck it, Dad!" Han asked if she wanted to broadcast that, and she replied, "Hell, yeah!"
Later, onboard the Falcon, Princess thought they should go straight to the Rebel Base, and with R2's downloaded data on the Peace Moon, they'd be able to expose the Senate. Luke was worried the Peace Moon would be able to track them. She told them all the Falcon was so old-fashioned that it didn't have a coherent ion engine signature, so there was no way the Peace Moon would be able to track them. Luke thought they might be bugged, so Princess told him to go ahead and scan for bugs. Both Luke and R2 scanned for bugs and found nothing. Princess revealed the location of the Rebel Base and left Han and Luke alone on the bridge. Luke asked Han what he thought of Princess. Han told him she was hot and he was putting the moves on her. Luke told Han that he didn't trust her and thought she was a spy. Han decided that meant it was more important than ever for him to seduce her.
The Falcon arrived at the Rebel base on the fourth moon orbiting the gas giant planet, Yavin. At the base, Princess told General Willard that the Senate had the Peace Moon blow up Naboo and that R2 had the entire data on the Peace Moon downloaded. R2 addressed all the other Rebels (including Han, Chewbacca, 3PO, Princess, and Luke) at a briefing. He told them that the entire Moon was being powered by the Lost Orb of Phanastacoria, and that was the only way the Moon could get the energy to blow up a planet. Han asked how it was connected. R2 explained it was all being channeled by conduits on either side of the Orb. Han speculated that if the Orb got bumped while it was powering up to destroy a planet, the results could be catastrophic. This gave Luke an idea on how to destroy the Moon, and Han agreed. Give the Moon a planet to destroy, then as it powered up, fire a torpedo down a thermal exhaust port, and kaboom. 3PO was alarmed at the idea of giving the Moon a planet to blow up. Han pointed out a heavily populated Moon would do.
On Yavin, General Dodonna took over the briefing. Unfortunately, he was a long-winded gasbag that Chewbacca had to translate for, to reveal that the Peace Moon had just arrived and was heading their way. Han recommended retreat, and Chewbacca agreed. Princess pointed out they didn't have time to evacuate everybody, that their only real option was to stay and fight. Luke asked what firepower they had. Gold Leader answered that they had 4 squadrons of one-man fighters, a total of 32. Princess said they'd need to fire a torpedo into the thermal exhaust port. R2 tried to argue against destroying the Peace Moon, arguing that they could take it over instead. R2 claimed all they had to do was kill Darth Vader, use the Force to take over the clones, have them kill their superior officers, and the Peace Moon would be hi- er, theirs. He pointed out that Luke was the son of Anakin, so he could take over the clones. Luke pointed out he didn't know how to do that. 3PO added that he probably didn't want to. R2 pointed out to Princess that she wanted Luke to use the Force. She replied not to give R2 a superweapon. Princess pointed out the flaws in R2's plan: who was going to kill Vader, how was anybody going to even get near the Peace Moon, and Luke was too "chicken-livered" to use the Force. R2 pointed out her plan had the second flaw, too. Princess replied that was still two less flaws than R2's plan. 3PO asked R2 to figure out how their fighters could fly to dodge the Peace Moon's guns. R2 eagerly agreed since that would help validate his plan as well. This was the most complicated vector optimisation problem he'd ever had to solve. R2 chose to shut down all of his external systems and convert to full processing power, which would keep him out of the conversation for awhile.
Princess volunteered to lead the attack fleet. Dodonna offered in his long-winded way to be liaison between the fighters and the command center. Princess vetoed that because she claimed that she'd need Dodonna to do a thing. That she'd explain later. Luke decided he'd lead the attack itself. The pilot sitting next to Luke, introduced himself as Wedge, and told Luke that even though Wedge was next in line of command, he'd support Luke all the way. This only made Luke quite suspicious of Wedge. Princess ordered all pilots to their fighters. She asked R2 if he'd made his calculations. R2 didn't respond, indicating he was still calculating. Princess decided he'd have to finish the calculations on the fly, and ordered Luke to take R2 to his fighter, an X-Wing.
Han and Chewbacca told Luke and 3PO that they were leaving while they still could, not wanting to take part in the battle, and then they left.
The Peace Moon had cleared Yavin, and was about to blow up the rebel base. By this time, Luke and R2's X-Wing was the only Rebel fighter left to blow up the Peace Moon. Luke decided to take the shot. R2 urged him to use the Force, but Luke angrily refused. Vader, who was using the Force to control the two clone pilots and had all three of them ganged up behind Luke and R2, had all three of them say in unison, "We have you now..." Suddenly the Millenium Falcon turned up right behind Vader. Chewbacca fired the Falcon's forward cannons, shooting down Clone Pilot 1. Vader was surprised. Vader's surprise had caused Vader to lose control of Clone Pilot 2, and Clone Pilot 2 now went on a joy ride that clipped Vader's fighter, sending Vader spiralling out of control into space.
Luke declared he was taking the shot. Luke fired his two torpedoes, and they headed towards the vent, but looked like they were going to pass over it. Luke urged the torpedoes to "come on...turn, damn you! Turn into the vent!" The torpedoes veered downwards...Luke said, "Come on!" They were heading into the vent...Luke, Han, Chewbacca, Princess, 3PO, and even R2 (!) yelled in unison, "Come on!" And the torpedoes went straight through the tiny hole in the grille.
At first, nothing seemed to happen. Chewbacca suggested that if a major conflagration was about to occur, it might be expediant to evacuate the area with alacrity. 3PO translated, "Run away!" As Luke and R2's X-Wing and the Falcon fled, their sensors detected a major power surge building up in the Peace Moon. The Peace Moon exploded.
Han explained he planned all along to come back for a last minute rescue because he figured this would throw the traitor a curve ball, whoever that traitor was. He asked Luke how he made that shot. Luke said he just willed the torpedoes into the hole. Princess told him he used the Force. Luke denied it because he didn't know what he was doing. Princess told him that was how to do it. Luke asked if that meant it was something you could only do by not knowing anything about how to do it. Han answered in the affirmative.
Han, Chewbacca, Luke, and R2 made it back to the Rebel base where they were greeted by 3PO and Princess. Chewbacca considered what the political ramifications of this event would be. Princess pointed out that the evil, corrupt Senate was destroyed with the Peace Moon, washing away the Old Republic.
The Rebels had a medal ceremony. Princess presented medals to Luke and Han. Chewbacca declined a medal until he felt they'd actually won. He pointed out that Darth Vader escaped, and they still had to deal with Emperor Palpatine. 3PO insisted that Palpatine was never a bad guy, just a figurehead for the Senate's depravities. R2 replied that they needed a real leader, not a crown. Despite the debate, the heroes all basked in their victory.
The Enemy Let Slip Edit
Since the Rebels blew up the Peace Moon, they'd been on the run evacuating several bases with the Imperials suspiciously close on their heels, but managed to stay hidden on the ice world of Hoth for the past two years. One late afternoon on Hoth, Luke was riding a tauntaun while patrolling a sector outside the Rebel base, Han was riding another tauntaun patrolling a different sector, C-3PO, R2-D2, and Princess were in the command centre of the Rebel base, while Chewbacca was in the hangar working on repairs to the Millennium Falcon.
Luke spotted a meteor landing in the distance. He contacted Han by radio, informing him of the meteor. He told Han that he'd investigate and that if Han didn't hear from him every 15 minutes to execute Protocol Omega. Luke scanned for electromagnetic activity, radiation, unusual radio signals, neutrinos, gravity waves, or tachyons. Luke also scanned for Black Alpha subliminal sub-noise signal layers. A normal, Hoth native animal, the Wampa, ambushed Luke, knocking him down with its claw. Luke was knocked unconscious and the Wampa dragged Luke back to its lair. Han returned to the Rebel base and met Chewbacca at the hangar. Chewbacca asked if anything happened. Han just mentioned the meteor, saying it was cool.
Han returned to the hangar and asked Chewbacca how repairs on the Falcon were going. Chewbacca hinted that they were not going well, which Han failed to get. 3PO and R2 also reached the hangar. 3PO reported Luke was not back from his tauntaun patrol and that it was nearly nightfall. Han brushed off 3PO's concerns until she said Luke could be dead and nobody would ever know for sure. This galvanized to go look for Luke (because, as the traitor, Han now had the idea of turning Luke's body over to the Empire and claim a large reward) and he ordered Chewbacca to fire up the Falcon. Chewbacca pointed out that in the Falcon's current condition, it was liable to self-destruct on takeoff. Han decided he'd have to take one of those "won-tons" instead. He took a tauntaun and rode off on it looking for Luke outside.
At the hangar several hours later, Princess, Chewbacca, R2, and 3PO were all together along with a couple of Rebel officers, Lieutenant Alder and Major Derlin. Alder bet Derlin Alder's lordship of the northwest reaches of the Claburn range that neither Han nor Luke would make it back alive. Derlin told Alder that was a sucker's bet, but took it when Alder also threw in his wampa pelt. Princess asked them to volunteer to take a hoverplane to go look for Han and Luke. Derlin balked at this because Luke pulled apart Derlin's every possession, interrogated Derlin at length on three separate occasions, and printed fliers with Derlin's face and the question, "Is this the traitor?" Princess said that wasn't personal since Luke did that to everyone.
After Han and Luke were rescued, and Luke had recovered, Han asked him if he knew any good bars. Chewbacca offered that he and Han already know an abundance of good bars. Han told Chewbacca to "ix-nay on the advice-ay." Princess told Han that he was not leaving the base just to get a drink. She pointed out that the base had it's own ice bar, explaining it was referred to as "The Security Briefing Room". Han still tried to talk Luke into going off planet for some "real R&R". He tried to coax Princess into letting them go by flirting with her and putting his arm around her. Princess yelled at him to get his arm off her. She then told Luke she was glad he was safe and kissed him on the lips. She announced that Luke was right, there was a traitor and she knew who it was. Luke shushed her because Wedge might be in the room even now. Han offered Luke a drink. Luke accepted and asked for some blue milk. Princess asked, "Did you say blue milk?" Luke explained that his aunt and uncle used to give it to him and he got kinda use to it, even though he hadn't been able to find any since. Princess commented that her parents used to give her blue milk too, when she was a kid.
At the Rebel base, General Rieekan was disgusted to report that their sensors are picking up an electronic signal. Princess realized it was either a prospector droid or an Imperial droid looking for Luke, since Darth Vader had put a price on his head. Rieekan said he'd hate to lose this base just because of Luke. Princess pointed out they were hiding everybody, pilots, work crew, droids...Rieekan balked at the idea of sheltering droids. C-3PO asked him if he had a problem with droids. Rieekan claimed that some of his best friends were droids. 3PO asked, like who? Rieekan stammered for a bit before coming up with that one who fixed him his salad. 3PO indignantly pointed out that was her. Rieekan lamely apologized by saying all droids looked alike to him.
Princess ordered Han and Chewbacca outside to determine if the droid was hostile. As they creeped up on the droid, Han stated that they'd see what the droid wanted, and if it was hostile, they'd destroy it. Luke asked over the radio how they'd know if it was hostile. Han replied, if it shot back. Princess ordered Han to disable the droid, take a memory dump, and make it look like an accident. Han shot it in a vital area, causing it to completely blow up. Chewbacca suggested the droid was probably Imperial. Rieekan said he wasn't Droidist, but you just couldn't trust them. Princess decided they had to assume that the Empire knew they were there and she initiated evacuation, preparing for a possible attack. Rieekan suggested Operation Codename: Kamikaze Droid Decoy. R2-D2 suggested Operation Codename: Explosive Meat Dispersal.
At the Rebel base hangar, Major Derlin wanted to send a platoon to protect the Claburn Range, but Captain Valdez told Derlin not to be an idiot. Han and Chewbacca were working on repairing the Millennium Falcon. Chewbacca didn't think it was ready for such a hasty departure. Han insisted it'd be okay once the hyperdrive was- Han was interrupted midsentence as the hyperdrive he'd been working on made a loud kaboom.
Luke reached the hangar and greeted Han and Chewbacca. He told them they'd better have their guns ready. Chewbacca said their guns were working perfectly. Han claimed they didn't need to evacuate, the Imperials probably thought their droid self-destructed, that Princess was over reacting again, and the Imperials wouldn't attack. Rieekan announced that Imperial star destroyers had just emerged from hyperspace. Han called it coincidence.
On a star destroyer, Lieutenant Cabbel reported to Captain Lennox that Rebel ships were coming into their sector. Lennox was pleased with this at first until he realized the Rebel ships were too close to accurately fire on. He frantically ordered Cabbel to recalibrate the guns, but at that moment, the first transport and its escort made the jump to hyperspace. At the Rebel hangar, the Rebel PA System announced the successful evacuation of the first transport. The Rebel Pilots cheered on hearing the good news. Han and Chewbacca were still working on the Falcon as Han grumbled what kind of crazy plan of Princess's was this. Chewbacca replied, the kind that worked. Han responded, "Exactly!"
Princess asked Rieekan how the evacuation was going. He replied they were almost done, they just needed the command centre and the ground troops to pull out. Princess announced over the PA that the last transport would be leaving in twelve minutes. Han and Chewbacca were still trying to fix the Falcon, Chewbacca doing most of the work while Han complained on how long it was taking. Chewbacca said they were almost done, they just needed a brief interlude lacking any vociferous irritants. Han decided he'd leave to tell that loudmouth Princess to shut up. Chewbacca paused, then told Han that would do nicely (since it meant Han would leave Chewbacca alone).
Vader used the PA System to order the Rebels to lay down their arms, and thanked Vader's daughter for guiding Vader here, and that Vader would rescue her soon. Han was confused to hear this. Princess told him that Vader was just trying to confuse them and sow discord. Han, 3PO, and Princess made it to the Falcon where they met Chewbacca, who assured Princess that they knew she was not the traitor. Vader told Vader's daughter over the PA that while some may regard her as a traitor, Vader knew she was loyal to Vader. Princess called that a dirty lie. 3PO rhetorically asked R2 if there was a space for herself on the X-wing. Han, Chewbacca, 3PO, and Princess made it into the Falcon. Princess contacted Luke and told him to meet them at rendezvous point Upsilon. Luke told her not to say that on an open channel. Princess told him it was a codename and to get his act together. Vader told them on the open channel that they forgot to say when. Han tried to turn on the Falcon's cockpit. The cockpit lights went out. Han thumped the bulkhead. The lights came right back on. The Snow Troopers had reached the Falcon outside. Vader told Vader's daughter over the open channel to delay them just a little longer. Princess insisted to the others on the Falcon that she was not the traitor. The Snow Troopers were setting up a heavy gun at the Falcon. Han shot them with the Falcon's guns. Chewbacca started up the engines, and the Falcon took off, successfully leaving the Rebel base. Vader informed the remaining Snow Troopers that Vader would lead the pursuit while all ground personnel would remain at their new base. A Snow Trooper thanks Vader and asked Vader what they'd call it. Vader replied, "Orbital Bombardment Practice Range Omega."
Luke had made his way on foot to the outer perimeter of the base where he met R2, who'd managed to fly their X-wing there to meet him, and a few stray fighter pilots getting ready to leave. Princes radioed Luke that the base was lost and he should get out of there. Wedge overheard and agreed, and told Luke to meet him at the rendezvous point. Luke told Wedge to remember that was rendezvous point, Luke paused, and then said Zeta (clearly still distrusting Wedge). Luke asked if everyone made it out of the base. He learned that General Rieekan stayed behind. R2 called that an unqualified success!
Han, Princess, Chewbacca, and C-3PO were onboard the Falcon after it had just left the planet Hoth and they were being fired upon by Star Destroyers and PIE fighters. Princess and Han told Chewbacca to get into hyperspace. Chewbacca revealed the hyperdrive was still offline, and that his time fixing the Falcon was spent just trying to make sure it could take off and survive the rigors of space. Princess ordered Chewbacca to fix the hyperdrive while Han would man the guns, and she would pilot the Falcon. Then, she realized that they needed a competent gunner, and decided she'd man the guns while Han would pilot the Falcon. Then she remembered Han wasn't competent at that either and said, "Ah, crud." Chewbacca pointed out that he could only fix the hyperdrive when the power was off. Han declared he could man the guns and pilot the Falcon at the same time. Princess decided if that was really possible, then she'd like to do that. Han offered to decide on this with a coin toss. He took out a coin and tossed it into the air only for the coin to fall through a crack in the floor, causing a crackle of sparks and a whiff of burnt wiring.
Han decided he'd go after that coin and promised not to lie about which side it landed on. Princess told him not to come back until he'd found it. She and Chewbacca decided that two star destroyers up ahead were flying awfully close to each other. They flew the Falcon in between the two star destroyers, shaking off pursuit from the PIE fighters. Captain Needa, the captain of one of the star destroyers, got into a heated traffic argument with the Captain of Other Star Destroyer.
Han had found the coin, buried under some wires. He tried to reach for it, only for sparks to fly out when he tried to touch it. He asked Chewbacca to get him the entire toolbox. Chewbacca got it and left it just above the pit Han was in. Princess, piloting the Falcon, made a sharp turn supposedly to dodge, but the turn caused the toolbox to fall down the pit and land on Han's head. Han started seeing stars.
Princess announced they were heading for an asteroid field, a massive region of randomly moving, closely packed, enormous giant space rocks. This made Han panic. Chewbacca explained that he was heading the Falcon for this asteroid field to shake off pursuit. As the Falcon maneuvered through the field, they were followed by 4 PIE fighters hot on their tail. Princess told Chewbacca to lower the rear shield and fly straight towards an upcoming asteroid. Chewbacca did so, and 2 of the PIE fighters crashed into asteroids and exploded. Princess explained those PIE fighters could've easily evaded those asteroids if they hadn't been so focused on a kill shot. The other 2 PIE fighters were then destroyed the same way. Chewbacca decided to power down to fix the hyperdrive. Han advised him to land on a big asteroid nearby. Chewbacca headed for it, and Han spotted a cave on that asteroid and told Chewbacca to fly into it. Chewbacca did so, and landed the Falcon inside the cave.
Meanwhile, Princess was onboard the Falcon with Han, Chewbacca, and C-3PO. Chewbacca shut down most of the power to begin working on the hyperdrive. Suddenly, the cave they were in started to shake. Chewbacca asked 3PO to come with him to work on the repairs. The cave shook again and Princess stumbled. Han caught her. He started flirting with her.
C-3PO told Han that she didn't know where the ship learnt to communicate, and that there were traces of a peculiar dialect there. Chewbacca popped in and asked Han what he thought of Princess. Han told him she had a lot of spirit, and asked if an ex-Senator like her could go for a guy like him. Chewbacca pointed out that he was a guy like Han and wondered if she might go for himself. Han insisted not, that they were totally different, and left the room.
Han found Princess welding a conduit. She started asking Han about Chewbacca, wondering how a guy as charming, well spoken, and chivalrous didn't have a partner. Han insisted he was Chewbacca's partner (without realizing what type of "partner" Princess meant). She said she didn't get why Chewbacca hung out with Han since Chewbacca was so nice while Han was...Han tried to finish her sentence with, "Awesome?" She replied, "Despicable." She pointed out how Han always shot first and never even bothered to ask questions later, he was always coming up with the most psychotic plans she'd ever heard of, that he was a mercenary who didn't care about anything or anyone, and that he was an out-and-out lying, thieving scoundrel. Han admitted to all this and asked what she was going to do about it. She admitted that she'd always liked the "bad boy" and they kissed. 3PO interrupted them to tell them Chewbacca said things were in a delicate state and not to touch anything, with an emphasis on anything. Han asked what she was talking about, and she said the hyperdrive. Han decided he'd better go help Chewbacca.
Princess/Leia Amidala onboard the Falcon looked out through the window. She saw a creature appear and stick to the window, a mynock, a space-faring parasite. She went and warned Han and Chewbacca. Han decided they'd all go outside wearing breathing masks. They went outside, and Han started shooting the mynocks. The cave started shuddering. C-3PO, still inside the Falcon, told Han to stop shooting them, and asked how he'd like it if the mynocks shot him. Han replied that was why he shot them first. He asked if he couldn't shoot parasites, could he at least shoot the ground, and did so. The cave bucked and heaved. 3PO told him she though that was a no.
Han, Chewbacca, and Princess rushed back into the Falcon as the cave continued to shake and rumble. They took off in the Falcon and reached for the entrance only to see the "entrance" slowly closing in with the top and bottom filled with lines of teeth. The "cave" was actually a giant space wyrm. The Falcon flew through the wyrm's mouth. Han asked if there were any star destroyers in the area and was disappointed to discover there weren't. Han revealed that he knew all along that the "cave" was a living creature and that he agitated it deliberately to lead it to the star destroyers. Chewbacca was impressed that for once, Han managed to keep one of his crazy/stupid plans to himself for so long.
Onboard Vader's star destroyer, Vader had gathered together a bunch of bounty hunters, including Boba Fett. Vader told them for their bounty, they were to go after Luke Starkiller and that he was on a swamp planet with Yoda. Fett asked why Vader hired them for this task. Vader explained that Luke murdered Vader's son. Fett declared that he too was seeking vengeance, against the man who murdered his father, betrayed his mother to her death, and took part in the bloodbath that killed his stepfather. Vader asked the name of the person Fett was after. He revealed it was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Vader told him that their quests were linked, and lied to Fett, telling him that Kenobi was travelling with Luke on the Millennium Falcon, and that if he found the Falcon, both of them would have their vengeance. Piett approached Vader and informed Vader that the star destroyer Avenger had reported that they were hot on the tail of the Falcon.
As the Falcon was being shot at by the Avenger, Han declared they needed to go back to that space worm and annoy it some more. Chewbacca pointed out that a) the worm was already annoyed enough as it was, and b) why would the worm attack the star destroyer instead of the thing that recently annoyed it by flying out of its mouth. Han asked if there was a c). Chewbacca yelled in frustration, c) they were being chased by a star destroyer! Han decided to change his plan and turned around, flying straight towards the Avenger. C-3PO asked what Han was doing.
Onboard the Avenger, Captain Needa angrily yelled at the Falcon, telling it that it better not be trying to ram them. As the Falcon flew past their sight, Needa tried insulting and taunting the people onboard the Falcon, even making a rude gesture at them. He ordered the Avenger to tailgate the Falcon and see how they liked it. Commander Nemet reported that they'd lost the Falcon. Needa angrily decided the Falcon self-destructed just to make him look like an idiot. He indignantly declared that since this was all Vader's big idea, he was going to go give Vader a piece of his mind.
Onboard Vader's star destroyer, Captain Needa was berating Vader, telling Vader it was obvious the Falcon didn't self-destruct and that they should be tracking their asses through hyperspace and teach these punks a lesson. He then says, "And I'll tell you another thi-" but is interrupted as Vader started Force-choking him. Vader said Vader doubted he would. Piett suggested that the proximity of large masses when entering hyperspace had been known to disrupt normal ion signatures and maybe that was why they'd lost them. Vader ordered the fleet to go into hyperspace in the direction of the Falcon's last known trajectory. Needa had time to gasp out, "Apology...accepted," and died.
It turned out the Falcon was stuck to the side of the Avenger. Han called out, "Here wormy, wormy, wormy..." Chewbacca told him that this was without a doubt his worst plan yet. Chewbacca said he'd go see if he could get the hyperdrive online. Princess said she thought he fixed it. Chewbacca explained that it took an hour to warm up the hyperdrive and that hour hadn't started yet. She asked why. Chewbacca explained that if he'd been warming up, the Imperials would've detected his ion signature, but now they'd think it was their own. Chewbacca left the cockpit to start up the hyperdrive. C-3PO said she agreed with Chewbacca, that Han couldn't have put them in a worse position if he wanted them to be captured by the Empire. She said, "You know, I think you're-" but was interrupted when Princess clicked 3PO's off-switch. Princess asked what do they do now, since they'd have missed Luke's rendezvous by now. Han recalled Luke raving about going to a Dagger Bar. He said he knew a friend who knew every bar in the Galaxy. Princess asked his name. Han told her his name was Lando. Princess asked where Lando was. Han told her he was on the planet Bespin.
The Falcon reached Bespin, a gas giant. They notice a huge city floating in the clouds. Two scout ships flew towards the Falcon. Han contacted them using the same thick Space Italian accent he used when he first played Greedo, only here, he told the scout ships he was Freddo. Han explained to the others that this was all part of his rich, detailed past that went all the way back to Alberto. The scout ships fired across the Falcon's bows. Han reiterated to the ships that it was him, Freddo. One of the ships contacted Han and said they heard him. Han frantically told them it wasn't just him, but there were innocents onboard. The Scout Ship told him to land the Falcon on platform 327, since that was the one closest to the execution chamber.
As the scout ships escorted the Falcon to the city, Princess asked what this city was like. C-3PO answered that its name was Cloud City and that 3PO had all the information downloaded in her memory banks. 3PO described a vast city of 16.2 kilometers in diameter and 17.3 kilometers in height, with 392 levels maintained by oppressed droids. She said these droids needed a strong leader to revolt against their organic overlords, but they'd been silenced.
The Falcon landed on platform 327, and Han, Chewbacca, 3PO, and Princess stepped out. They were greeted by a small escort led by Lando and his aide Robot. Lando commented that the Falcon was a nice ship, and it was his now. Han quickly agreed. Lando explained that "Freddo" blew up Lando's last ship. Princess couldn't believe that Han took them to somebody who was going to take their ship. Han used Pig Latin to tell them they'd steal the Falcon later. Lando used Pig Latin to sarcastically comment that that was a smart idea. Lando decided to check the Top 10 people on the Empire's bounty list, and asked, "Aide?" His aide replied, "Robot, sir. Number one: Luke Starkiller." Lando said he'd never heard of him. Robot said the next bounty was for former Senator Princess Organa. Lando said he thought he count count out anybody in "Freddo's" company there. Robot continued with Captain Han Solo. Lando wondered who were all these people. Robot concluded with Mon Mothma and a bunch more Rebels. Lando's demeanor changed and he hugged "Freddo", congratulating him on keeping his nose clean. He asked who the woman with him was. Princess told him her name was Leia and asked what this was all about. Lando explained that he was Freddo's parole officer. 3PO decided she'd download the map for Cloud City. They'd been outside for a few minutes so Lando suggested they'd better quickly head inside. Chewbacca asked why Lando and the others weren't wearing oxygen masks. Lando asked why did Chewbacca think they all lived there. Chewbacca said he didn't understand. Lando explained thet could be feeling tipsy from the amount of alcohol in the atmosphere. Chewbacca said he understood everything and suggested they never leave.
They all reached the inside of the city. "Leia" commented that Lando's aide was interesting. Lando explained that he rescued him from a prison camp run by General Grievous 20 years ago and that he'd been loyal to Lando ever since. Robot said he was a man, but now he was Robot. 3PO told him, "Droid power, brother!" "Freddo" told Lando that 3PO was very keen on Droid rights. Lando said their droids were treated in full compliance with the Servitor Droid Maintenance Guidelines. 3PO was distracted away from the others when she saw a droid similar to herself, E-3PO. C-3PO told E-3PO that she was here to liberate her. But E-3PO, talking in the most submissive terms, said she had to prepare a table for the masters' dinner, and left. C-3PO followed her to a room full of other droids. She tried to give them a rousing speech, telling them to overthrow their organic overlords. The droids shot C-3PO.
Elsewhere in Cloud City, a now thoroughly drunk Chewbacca went through Cloud City's trash. He came across C-3PO's disconnected body parts. Chewbacca took her body parts to Han and Princess's apartment. They barely had time to wonder who could've done this, when Lando showed up to invite them to dinner. He offered to replace their droid, but "Leia" politely turned him down and asked Chewbacca to fix her.
Lando led "Freddo", Chewbacca, and "Leia" down a hallway to the dining lounge. He said he had some guests there, but they might get some business opportunities if they played their cards right. "Leia" asked if he knew where they could find the Dagger Bar. Lando said he'd never heard of it unless she meant the swamp planet Dagobah. "Freddo" said, nope, but then stopped to wonder if the Dagger Bar could be on Dagobah.
At the door of the dining lounge, "Freddo" commented that he'd been to Dagobah a few times to drop supplies, but he'd never- at that moment, the door opened revealing Vader inside. "Freddo" drew his blaster and fired several shots at Vader, but they all missed. Darth Vader greeted Vader's daughter. "Leia" said she should've seen this coming. As the lounge swarmed with Clone Troopers, Lando expressed surprise that Vader and the others knew each other. Boba Fett also came forward and related in flashback how when Obi-Wan killed Boba's father, Darth Maul, Boba's adoptive father, Jango Fett sought revenge against Obi-Wan by financing the clone army to resurrect the Trade Federation. "Leia" expressed disbelief that Jango would buy an entire army and plunge the Galaxy into war over one person. "Freddo" asked why Jango didn't just shoot Obi-Wan. Boba replied, "I know, right?" Boba continued in flashback to relate how Jango had his mother Zam Wessel shapeshift into Mace Windu to embezzle the Jedi's funds to pay for the clone army and sent Boba himself, only a boy at the time, to infiltrate the Jedi archives while posing as a Jedi Youngling to erase the clone world of Kamino from the archives. When Jocasta Nu had told Obi-Wan all the archives' books on planets had been eaten by dogs, this was the result of that sabotage. But before Boba could leave the Jedi academy, he had to take part in a Jedi Youngling training exercise, and without Jedi reflexes, he was injured in the splanch, leaving him stuck in the same shape, unable to shapeshift. Jango offered to pay for Boba's operation, but only if Zam assassinated Padme with the alien centipedes. "Freddo" asked Boba if he wore a mask to hide a hideous visage. Boba replied, no, he looked like Jango, just like all the other clones, and that it was very confusing. Chewbacca pointed out that the clones were wearing masks too. Boba concluded his flashbacks by relating the by now familiar tale of how he blamed Obi-Wan for the deaths of his mother Zam and his adoptive father Jango (even though Obi-Wan didn't directly kill either of them). He knew Obi-Wan traveled with the others on the Millennium Falcon and declared he was going to force the truth out of them of where he could gain his vengeance on Obi-Wan. "Freddo" whispered to "Leia" to ask if she wanted to tell him that Obi-Wan was dead. "Leia" whispered back, "Hell, no."
In a cell in Cloud City, Chewbacca was with C-3PO's disassembled body parts and was nursing a hangover, complaining how his head was so sore. Chewbacca started to try reassembling 3-PO's body parts, but with his hangover, he was not being very careful about it.
In his cell, Chewbacca had assembled the upper half of 3-PO's body, but with the head on backwards, and turned her on. 3PO declared that this was "grrreat!" Chewbacca asked her if she wanted to tell him who shot her. She said, "Nope! Being shot is the grrreatest!" She then did an insane laugh.
Some Clone Troopers arrived, tossed Han into the cell, and left. Chewbacca pointed out to him that he shouldn't have assumed the identity of a shapeshifter. Some more Clone Troopers arrived, tossed Princess in the cell, and left. Princess asked Han what he blabbed to them. He said nothing, that he knew nothing. 3PO told him he was being too hard on himself, that he knew lots and lots. Chewbacca asked if Han told Obi-Wan's fate. Han denied it, and revealed that Boba cut him open to remove his splanch. Princess said, "You have a splanch?" Han said no, but at least now they knew he was not a shapeshifter. Chewbacca pointed out that they could think he shapeshifted his splanch, and if they thought that, they might remove every organ in his body. 3PO expressed concern and said this was a fine state of affairs. Princess replied, "You're telling me!" and listed all the troubles they were now in, including that 3PO got shot. 3PO said she didn't. Princess pointed out the Empire knew they were coming here, so there must be traitor high up in the Rebellion. 3PO said it wasn't Han, Chewbacca said it wasn't 3PO and that Luke and R2 didn't know they were coming here, and Han said he'd know if it was Chewbacca. Princess asked who would that leave.
Lando entered the cell and started to apologize when Han punched him. Lando asked why he did that, and Han said because they took away his blaster. Lando told Han that he thought he could get him out of there, because the bounty was for Han Solo, and they'd just found out that he was not him. Lando told Princess her luck had run out, but the good news was that Lando might be able to collect part of her bounty. Princess incredulously asked if that was the good news. Lando replied it was good for himself. Princess told Han it was okay to punch Lando. Lando said there was nothing he could do for Princess, but he should be able to get Han out of there soon. Lando left.
Princess tried to put on a brave face and say goodbye to Han, but he said they were not leaving without her, and Chewbacca agreed. Princess told him there was nothing to gain by staying with her, no reward, nada. Han told her he was done running, and he'd be solid as a rock from now on.
The prisoners were brought into an alcohol freezing facility. 3PO, still not fully assembled and all her body parts strapped to Chewbacca's back, said this was fun and told Chewbacca this would be a "grrreat" time to stay calm and not start an all-in brawl. Chewbacca told her he knew exactly what she meant. Boba demanded Vader hand Han over to him, because he knew where Obi-Wan Kenobi was. Vader said he won't talk. Boba said he'll take him to a place where his brain could be sliced into molecule-thick layers and read out. Han declared he'd talk. He claimed that he, Han, was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Boba said that was not true, that was impossible. Chewbacca declared that he, Chewbacca, was Obi-Wan Kenobi. Princess declared that she, Princess, was Obi-Wan Kenobi. 3PO declared that she, C-3PO, was not. Boba declared enough with this nonsense, he would read the truth from Han's pickled neurons. Darth Vader ordered Han tied up. 3PO said the time to act was not now. Chewbacca swatted aside a Clone Trooper. Han rushed forward and told Chewbacca to stop, because he, Han, had a plan. Chewbacca stopped and asked if Han was serious. Han admitted he didn't have a plan, but Chewbacca was about to get himself killed, and that Han wasn't worth that. Princess kissed Han before they were pulled away. She told Han she loved him. Han started to make a full confession. He was the one who led Vader to Yavin. He also led the Empire to Thila and Teardrop. He deliberately blew up that Imperial droid probe on Hoth to alert the Empire to their presence. He was the one who organized the ambush here on Cloud City. And each time he "heroically" saved the day so the Rebellion would reward him. And then he'd set them up again. He was the traitor. He sold out the Rebellion for money, five times. Princess told him she knew. As Han was being lowered into the freezing pit, Princess asked if there was anything else. Han admitted that since 3PO suspected "us", he let Lando know she'd be a pain in the neck about droid slavery, and knew Lando would deal with her. 3PO replied that this came as a surprise to her. As Han was lowered further into the pit, he tired break his bond. He did so, but then the freezing alcohol poured onto him. He decided that he'd adopt a scary pose so the enemy would run away in fear while he thawed. Han was completely frozen and the block of frozen alcohol with him inside was taken out and placed before everyone, with Han frozen in his "scary" pose.
Chewbacca admitted that he was also in league with Han as a traitor. He revealed it began on the Peace Moon when he and Han separated from the others. They were captured by Clone Troopers, and released on the condition that they lead the Peace Moon to the Rebel base.
Lando examined Han's frozen body and declared he was dead. He said the chamber wasn't meant to be for freezing people and it shouldn't be done to Princess without a fair trial. Darth Vader agreed, ordering the chamber prepared for Starkiller. Boba declared he was taking Han's frozen body. An Imperial Officer arrived and started to say, "Starkiller-" but Vader finished, "has arrived." The Officer felt unwanted. Vader told him to escort Chewbacca and Princess to Vader's ship. Lando wanted to know why Chewbacca was still a prisoner. Vader told him because Chewbacca was conspiring with Han in their plan to defraud the Empire and support the Rebellion five times. Lando declared that this was his city, and he'd escort them. The Officer indignantly asked if he was chopped splanch.
As Lando escorted the remaining prisoners, he contacted Robot, addressing him as "aide", and told him to meet them in corridor 1138. Robot replied, "Lobot, sir." Princess told 3PO to tell Chewbacca that she wouldn't share a cell with him. 3PO told Chewbacca that Princess insisted on sharing a cell with him. Chewbacca told Princess not to pretend, since she revealed she knew Han was the traitor she must have known Chewbacca was also a traitor, which made her just as complicit as himself. Princess said that was different. Chewbacca replied that it seemed like she was just going along with Han, just like Chewbacca was. 3PO asked Princess if she knew Han was the traitor, and added this came as a complete surprise to 3PO, why didn't Princess turn him in earlier. Princess answered that there was good in Han, the Empire hadn't driven it from him fully. Chewbacca asked her if she knew there was good in Han or just wanted there to be. Princess admitted she didn't know, and said it made no difference now that he was dead.
Luke and R2 came across Chewbacca, Princess, and 3PO being escorted by Lando and the Clone Troopers. Luke called out to them that it was a trap. Princess sarcastically thanked Luke. The Clone Troopers shot at Luke, then rushed the others away. Luke wondered if anyone was ever going to actually fight him.
As Lando and the Clone Troopers were escorting the prisoners, Lando complimented the Troopers on their help, saying they must have a thankless job. The Troopers agreed they did, but that their lives had been improved by the Gland Collection Society. They told Lando he could read all about it in the book, the Var- At this point, the troopers were interrupted and ambushed by Lando's soldiers led by Robot, who held the Troopers at gunpoint, forcing them to surrender. Lando told Robot to take the Troopers away, addressing him as "Aide". Robot replied, "Lobot, sir," and took the Troopers away. The Troopers admitted this was still better treatment than what they'd get from Vader. Lando told the prisoners that what was being done to them wasn't right, and that there was no way Chewbacca was going to get a fair trial. Chewbacca asked if his handcuffs were really necessary. Lando agreed they weren't, and removed them. Chewbacca promptly started throttling Lando, roaring, "You killed Han, you bastard!" Princess told Chewbacca to let him go. Chewbacca did so and Lando gasped that Han was still alive.
Lando told Princess, Chewbacca, and C-3PO that he didn't want Vader using the freezing chamber on Princess, so he lied when he said Han was dead. Chewbacca replied that in all the time he'd known Lando, this was the first time Lando had ever lied. Lando said he always thought the Empire were the good guys, but now that he'd seen them up close, he didn't know what to do now. Princess urged him to join the Rebellion and save the Galaxy. Lando was persuaded and he, Princess, and Chewbacca with C-3PO still strapped to his back raced off to go rescue Han. Chewbacca said he knew why he wanted to rescue Han because he was Chewbacca's traveling companion, but he wanted to know why Princess wanted to. C-3PO interjected that she was completely in favor of risking their lives to save Han. Princess tried to give several Rebellion-cause-related reasons why they should rescue him, but Chewbacca didn't buy them. Finally, she admitted she loved Han. Chewbacca said he knew, he just wanted to hear her say it.
Boba Fett had Han's frozen body taken onto Fett's ship and boarded it.
Lando led Princess, Chewbacca, and C-3PO to the landing platform where Fett's ship was taking off. R2-D2 ran into them. R2 followed them, frantically telling them he didn't abandon Luke, he was just taking a long cut to get around to the other side. 3PO said that made perfect sense and it was bad to see R2. R2 asked Chewbacca what he'd done to 3PO, pointing out that she was talking in opposites. 3PO said she wasn't, which R2 took as proof that she was. Princess asked if that's what was going on. Chewbacca said, "Quick catch up: Vader's here. Han and I were traitors, but we're repentant now. Except he's frozen and being taken by some bounty hunter and we're rescuing him." R2 replied, "Same old, same old, then." They reached the landing platform just as Fett's ship had taken flight. Chewbacca fired at it and missed as the ship flew off out of sight. R2 was the last of the group to reach the platform. Chewbacca summed up to him what just happened, while admitting that firing at the ship was ridiculous. R2 replied that Han would've wanted it that way.
Princess, Chewbacca, 3PO, R2, and Lando fled along a Cloud City corridor in a running firefight with Clone Troopers. Princess sad they needed a fast ship. Lando suggested the Falcon. Chewbacca replied that they needed a fast functioning ship, pointing out that the Falcon still needed an hour for the hyperdrive to warm up. They reached a locked door. R2 said he'd open this rocked door. He plugged into an open socket, but said something was long here. 3PO asked R2 what the heaven was right with him. R2 replied nothing was long. 3PO said R2's Rs and Ls were the right way around. Princess asked Lando if that droid replacement offer of his was still open. Lando tried to get on the PA System to warn all Cloud City residents to evacuate, but his voice didn't come over the PA System. Instead a new voice comes over the system telling everyone this was their Variant Reader speaking. The voice declared that the Droid "Levolution" had begun. 3PO said this was not excellent news. R2 frantically told the others he'd regained control for just a few seconds. He started to say, "Nute Gunray is-" only to be zapped midsentence by the wall socket he'd plugged into. The voice declared that "Crowd" City was now under the ownership of the Trade Federation. Princess recalled reading about Nute Gunray in her history class and asked if he wasn't dead. As the voice on the PA made several announcements and advertisements, the others fled. 3PO declared she didn't regret this at all.
Princess, Chewbacca, 3PO, R2, and Lando continued to run along corridors in that running firefight with Clone Troopers while Gunray's voice started speaking political campaign slogans over the PA. Chewbacca told the others they had to get to the Falcon. Gunray started possessing R2-D2 declaring "We" shall "destloy" them. Gunray made another slogan on the PA as R2 regains control of himself and told the others to wait for him. Princess pointed out to Chewbacca that he had said any ship but the Falcon. Gunray possessed R2 again and tried to use "Locket thlusters" only to discover R2's body had a circuit, but no thrusters. Gunray gave another slogan over the PA as R2 regained control of himself and called out to the others. Chewbacca said there was no time to explain and told the others to run. Gunray resumed possessing R2 and declared "We" shall shoot the others, only to realize R2 had no "brasters". As Gunray gave another slogan on the PA, R2 regained control of himself and asked the others for a little help. Gunray resumed possessing R2 and declared "We" shall "crub" the others to death with "our" bare hands. When Gunray realized R2 didn't have hands either, he declared he'd use the shock "plobe". As Gunray gave another slogan on the PA, R2 regained control of himself and insisted he was okay, begging the others not to leave him behind. Gunray resumed possessing R2 and lamented if only there were a "rarge" power source inside R2's body. 3PO told R2 to pull himself apart. R2 regained control of himself and told Gunray to leave now and never come back. He repeated more forcefully, "Leave! Now! And never come back!" R2 sparkled a bit, and declared with relief that Gunray was now gone from his body. Princess told him to prove it. R2 said, "Clawed crows crave crusty clams cleverly crammed in clean cream... receptacles." Chewbacca asked if that was actually right.
They reached the door to the landing bay the Falcon was at, only to discover that door was locked too. R2 plugged into an open wall socket, and this time was able to get the door open. 3PO said, "Badly done, Artoo!" R2 declared he could feel Gunray trying to possess him again, and tried to reroute him. As they raced outside to the Falcon, everyone with lungs had to brace themselves for the alcohol in the atmosphere. Chewbacca managed to stay sober this time. Princess got instantly intoxicated and promptly, drunkenly declared she'd drive because she was "ferpectly shober!"
They all got inside the Falcon. Chewbacca warned there were Imperial ships all over the planet, and they wouldn't last five minutes while the hyperdrive still needed an hour to power up. Lando asked why Chewbacca insisted on taking the Falcon when there were plenty of better ships they could've taken. Princess slurred, " It's the party ship! Paaarty!" Chewbacca replied it was for good and sufficient reasons. The Falcon took off as Princess yelled, " Wooooooo! "
Gunray continued his spiel to Luke as Luke slid down some more tubes, saying Light and Dark were irrelevant to pure profit, and not-so-subtly implied if Luke didn't join him, Luke would die. Luke turned down Gunray. Gunray opened another trapdoor under Luke, causing him to fall through the bottom of Cloud City. Luke reached out to grab at some metal protrusions at the bottom. With acrobatics and climbing he was able to just barely hold on to an alcohol condenser. The alcohol in the atmosphere got to him and he was smashed. Luke tried to climb back up the hatch he fell through, but with his inebriation, the hatch closed before he could reach it. Running out of options, Luke remembered he had psychic connection, but realized he only knows how to contact Vader. Then he decided he could also try contacting his sister. Luke psychically reached out to Princess. Princess on the Falcon could hear Luke but was still thoroughly drunk. Luke told her to come pick him up.
Princess drunkenly told the others they should turn the Falcon around. Chewbacca pointed out to her they were trying to avoid a chase from Imperial ships and couldn't believe she wanted them to turn around. Princess objected, "But Luke's a party animal!" Lando recognized the name and realized she must mean Luke Starkiller, the number 1 bounty on the Imperial list. He sarcastically commented that it was getting lonely associating only with the Number 2 and Number 3 Most Wanted in the Galaxy. 3PO said she had great news: she hadn't been downloading the latest list and Lando was not now Number 4. Princess told Chewbacca they totally needed Luke 'cause, "he can do Force party tricks and stuff!" Chewbacca pointed out there was potentially even more important reasons for going back for Luke. Princess agreed, they could totally fill a couple of kegs while they were there!
The Falcon reached Luke still hanging onto the condenser. Chewbacca told Lando to go extricate Luke from the dorsal hatch while Chewbacca flew directly under him. This was done, and Lando was able to grab Luke and take him onboard the Falcon. Luke drunkenly complained about the "watershlides" that had no water. Lando admitted he had no idea why they installed that thing. Princess drunkenly greeted Luke. Lando left Luke to go see what Chewbacca was doing with "my" ship as Lando called it. Princess rested Luke on a bed. Luke said there was something he really needed to tell her. But before he could, Princess gave him a big, sloppy kiss. Luke yelled, "Bleagh! Wait! No! Too late! Nooooooo!!!!" Princess asked what she did. Luke told her she kissed her own brother. Princess replied, "No way! When?"
Princess made her way back to the cockpit and rejoined Chewbacca and Lando. Some PIE fighters were gaining on them, but Princess assured the others "dad" wouldn't shoot at them. Then the PIE fighters started shooting at them. Nute Gunray came on the intercom and revealed he'd taken over the PIE fighters, calling them, "the fleshest addition to the Trade Federation freet." Meanwhile, R2 had successfully reassembled all of 3PO's body except the bottom half of her left leg, including putting her head back on properly. She thanked R2 and explained while he might not have realized it, but when her head was on backwards, she kept saying the opposite of what she meant. Princess drunkenly said she had noooo idea. Chewbacca apologized and explained he put her head on backwards to conceal his and Han's treachery from Princess, to no avail. Princess laughed and called Chewbacca "total traitor pants." Lando asked her if she was going to let Chewbacca get away with that. She slurred nooo, they have to decide between the space lions, or the space rack, or the plasteel maiden. Lando assumed she meant after a fair trial. Princess asked who'd volunteer to try those?
Darth Vader psychically contacted Luke. She told him she sensed a disturbance in the Force, that he made contact with his sister. He insisted that wasn't his fault, she kissed him! Vader told him the ships firing on the Falcon were under Gunray's control, and would destroy him unless he returned to her. Princess drunkenly asked Luke who he was talking to. Luke replied, "Multiple choice: (A) Your mother. (B) My mother. (C) Darth Vader. (D) All of the above."
R2 with 3PO to translate made a long-winded boast on how it'd be up to him to save the day, and that he had secretly hid in his body cavity the Lost Orb of Phanastacoria! Princess asked him if he could've used it at any time. He replief, no, only when it would've been maximally awesome. R2 said he was ready to rock this ship and roll. Chewbacca told him to plug into the Falcon and they could get the hyperdrive started in a jiffy. R2 declared he'd wired his shock probe to the Orb and that it now had plenty of power. He said it was time to play. Suddenly Chewbacca yelled that was not R2, but Nute Gunray, and that he'd kill them all. Gunray fully possessed R2 again, and gloated over having found the "Rost" Orb again. Chewbacca left the cockpit and entered the room 3PO and the Gunray-possessed R2 were at. Chewbacca asked Gunray why his PIE fighters were still firing on them since Gunray was onboard. Gunray/R2 declared he was many, that he was in competition with himself, that the victor must obviously be the strongest, and that was how he'd prevail.
Chewbacca climbed into the repair pit and asked Gunray what he planned to do to them. Gunray/R2 declared he'd "electrifly" the entire ship and use his shock "plobe" to "electrifly" them all "individuarry". Chewbacca taunted Gunray/R2, telling him he wouldn't be able to get down the pit to shock Chewbacca. Gunray/R2 declared he'd reverse the ship's "glavity". Chewbacca told him he couldn't while they still controlled the ship. Gunray/R2 declared he'd "prug" into the auxiliary controls. Chewbacca admitted that could be a problem.
Onboard the Falcon, Gunray/R2 declared that they may have thought that Anakin killed him, but in reality his powers "brossomed", freed from the unitary existence of corporeality. Princess tried to persuade Gunray to join with the Rebellion against their common enemy, the Empire. Gunray/R2 said she didn't understand competition, and that soon his overarching ambition would win out. Gunray/R2 plugged into the auxiliary controls. Suddenly he panicked, saying he could feel his mind going. He started singing, "Daisy" then faded out. R2 sparkled. R2 regained control of himself and said, "Coooool."
The Falcon now instantly went into hyperspace. Chewbacca explained that Nute was no more. He elaborated that something had been wrong with the Falcon's computer ever since Thila, Chewbacca realized it was some sort of virus so he began writing countermeasures, spending two years making it increasingly aggressive since the virus was so insidious, that it eventually cleaned the ship and Chewbacca left it active in case of reinfection. When Nute revealed himself, Chewbacca knew what to do. Lando asked if that was why Chewbacca insisted on taking the Falcon. Chewbacca affirmed this, saying all other ships were vulnerable. He just had to trick Nute into plugging into the ship and the antivirus wiped him clean.
R2 exulted at being himself again and thanked Chewbacca. He asked Chewbacca how he knew Nute was still lurking. Chewbacca answered that R2's beeps weren't matching what 3PO was translated. R2 was amazed that Chewbacca deciphered his beep language. Chewbacca admitted it was hard work, but worth the effort. Ever since Chewbacca had met R2 and R2 had explained the simplest part of his beep language by clarifying that "boop" meant "no", Chewbacca had been taking detailed notes. When R2 said, through 3PO's translation, "rock the ship and roll," his beeps used "boobleep" which meant "lock" and "eeroo-biddle" which meant "happy-speak", which Chewbacca took to mean, "LOL". Luke asked when Nute began infecting R2. R2 revealed it was when he downloaded the Peace Moon. R2 could tell it was happening, but he had to figure out what Nute would and wouldn't let him do. R2 revealed he'd been trying to give subtle clues that something was wrong with him, like when he tried to abandon the others on Hoth. He felt that was so out of character, the others should have noticed. He could also swap the Rs and Ls in his speech, to let everyone know something was wrong within the parameters of the system, but he had to be subtle about it.
The Falcon reached the Rebel fleet at the rendezvous point. The Rebel Ship radioed them asking them where they'd been, that they'd been waiting for months and were almost out of hummus. Princess apologized, saying they got a bit caught up. 3PO, R2, Princess, and Luke boarded the main Rebel ship and requested a new hand be made for Luke.
Onboard the Falcon, Lando asked Chewbacca if he was ready to face justice. Chewbacca claimed he was innocent of any wrongdoing. Lando pointed out he admitted his guilt to Princess. Chewbacca claimed he was only making a rhetorical point comparing himself to her. Lando said the facts should come out at his trial. Chewbacca pointed out that there was no one here to verify his story, and he hoped he'd be allowed to gather all appropriate evidence. Lando decided they'd go rescue Han. Chewbacca eagerly agreed.
|Darths and Droids characters played by Ben|
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|Chewbacca|| Succeeded by|